Today marks the 8th year of my marriage. It is in a sorry state right now, but it wasn't always like that. It all started years ago when DH lost his job. Depression set in and it never left. Prior to that, I would say we were truly happy. I want to get back there again. I am tired, and I am scared, but I am not ready to give up. I thought I was, but.....
I have been praying about it and I think the hesitancy I am having about telling DH I want to leave isn't fear of the conversation, but fear that I am not doing the right thing here. I want to run away from the pain, anger, and turmoil that is going on right now. If I force myself to be honest with my feelings (which is VERY hard for me to do) I find that I don't think I would be better off without him. I don't want to "fix" him, but help him. Is this the same thing?
I am letting my anger get in the way here. Before I do something that destroys my family, I want to be 100% sure this is the way to go.
Wishy-washy, maybe. But, this is not a simple decision. It is also not something I should do in the heat of emotion. I think I am crazy.....
I am having a talk with him tonight. Come hell or high water, I am laying this out on the table. I have been hiding it for days now, and it is eating me up inside. He may decide he wants out too. Whatever the outcome, it must be done.
I do care about this man. He is a good person inside, just isn't a good people person. He works hard for his family, has our best interest at heart, and tries to provide the best life possible. I listed out the pros and cons and it looks like, as much as I just want out and get away from all this chaos, the pros are outweighing the cons.
Please pray hard for me. I don't usually ask for prayers, but I need them now. I want to find the best path - and I want to do the right thing.