Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Happy 8th Anniversary To Me

Today marks the 8th year of my marriage. It is in a sorry state right now, but it wasn't always like that. It all started years ago when DH lost his job. Depression set in and it never left. Prior to that, I would say we were truly happy. I want to get back there again. I am tired, and I am scared, but I am not ready to give up. I thought I was, but.....

I have been praying about it and I think the hesitancy I am having about telling DH I want to leave isn't fear of the conversation, but fear that I am not doing the right thing here. I want to run away from the pain, anger, and turmoil that is going on right now. If I force myself to be honest with my feelings (which is VERY hard for me to do) I find that I don't think I would be better off without him. I don't want to "fix" him, but help him. Is this the same thing?

I am letting my anger get in the way here. Before I do something that destroys my family, I want to be 100% sure this is the way to go.

Wishy-washy, maybe. But, this is not a simple decision. It is also not something I should do in the heat of emotion. I think I am crazy.....

I am having a talk with him tonight. Come hell or high water, I am laying this out on the table. I have been hiding it for days now, and it is eating me up inside. He may decide he wants out too. Whatever the outcome, it must be done.

I do care about this man. He is a good person inside, just isn't a good people person. He works hard for his family, has our best interest at heart, and tries to provide the best life possible. I listed out the pros and cons and it looks like, as much as I just want out and get away from all this chaos, the pros are outweighing the cons.

Please pray hard for me. I don't usually ask for prayers, but I need them now. I want to find the best path - and I want to do the right thing.

1 comment:

Domestic Goddess said...

Bugaboo is a good judge in character. He can tell who is genuine and who isn't worth his time. And who is his favorite uncle? Yup. Your husband. I never see him respond to others the way he responds to your husband.

I know you don't want to give up on this. You have to decide if it is worth fighting for. Divorce sucks, ask my husband. As far as I am concerned, family is worth fighting for. But you have to start ALL OVER and never go back to that place again. You won't be able to change him. But you can work on getting him to change the things that are destroying him and your relationship. Don't do it with anger. Do it with Love.