Monday, November 19, 2007

One down - 10 to go

For me, it was a knitting weekend. Cold and raining, with Dino falling in love with the PS2 that we have had forever and he has ignored until Video Night at the karate studio on Friday night. While he conquered phantoms as the Webbed Hero with his karate friends, I casually fondled yarn at the local craft store and did my food shopping. It was really nice to be out by myself without the constant chatter of a 6 year old. DH wanted to go to dinner, but I wasn't putting myself into that situation. Since he had a cold anyway, it was my easy out. So, I declared Friday night just for me. Anyway, I restrained myself enough at the craft store by only purchasing 4 skeins of yarn and two new sets of knitting needles. That was hard, let me tell you.

I have completed one scarf for my co-workers and am working on the next (pictures coming soon). In between, I managed to complete the big UFO that I had started MONTHS ago - a shrug that I swore would fit me, but turns out that my size has changed along with the weight I have lost (45 pounds! Whoo-hoo!) so now it is just a tad big. Tad like hella big. As in the sleeves are longer than a pre-human-neanderthals arms. Knuckles dragging on the floor here people.

Ok, so I figured out that if I fold up the cuffs a bit and seam up the underarms a bit more, it fits enough that I can actually wear it. I actually am happy with it, big and all. It will be a nice addition to my shoulders once it is washed and blocked. Yes, I said blocked, got a problem with that? I know, I know. I stated that I hated blocking, and I still do. But it is extremely necessary for this item. I also did a swatch! Believe that one? The scarves don't need blocking since the pattern is naturally non-rolling, but the shrug has some rolling to it and that bugs me. I even (gasp!) splurged on the blocking board from Joann.com since it was on sale. Even with shipping it cost less than I would have thought. It should arrive this week, and I can finally be a true "knitter". Think I can hide it from DH?

Speaking of DH, things were VERY tense this weekend. We barely spoke. We stayed in separate rooms. A couple of times, he came up to me and started to massage my shoulders (this, after years of marriage, was recognized as his sign that he wanted s-e-x) and I shrugged him off and said "not now, please". He was shocked (dense, isn't he?) and would say "What, I can't even touch you???" and walked away indignantly. Sigh. I lost my nerve twice to say anything to him, as I don't want to screw up the holidays and I need more time to save my money. Also, an interesting thought crossed my mind. What if he was so different when he finally starts dealing with his depression that I find that I don't want to leave? Thoughts to ponder.

DH tried to get Dino to go with him on his errands, but Dino was having none of it. In fact, Dino didn't want to spend ANY time with his dad. This made me sad. Why can't DH see that his relationship with his son is losing ground too? I tried to talk Dino into going out to breakfast with his dad, but he absolutely refused. I know DH is feeling hurt by his rejection, but jeez man, wake up! You have to take Dino someplace FUN to start to get that bond back. Dino doesn't want to sit in the car while you go pick up dry cleaning and get your hair cut, etc. Instead, Dino came with me to get my nails done and then we were off to look at thrift stores until the karate open house. That was fun, and I got to see HKG. I also got to talk to some of the other parents for a bit. HKG seems to be hot and cold with me these days. Friday night, he was super friendly. Saturday at the open house, he was stand-off-ish (is that a word?) and not at all as warm as he was the night before. Oh well. I still got to drool for a bit, and that is all that really matters. I did hurt my knee again at the event (it locked up while I was sitting on the floor) and it was not much better the next morning, so I kept my leg up while I knitted and Dino played video games and DH hid in the basement family room watching football and "working".

Feeling wretched, I once again turned to food for comfort. Only, this time, I realized what I was doing and stopped before I did much damage. Progress!

So, off we go into another week. The holiday coming up is already freaking me out. Will DH be a true D1ck H34d? I am hoping he will choose to go to his mom's and leave me to enjoy this one holiday with my family. Something tells me that he will not. All I can do is force myself to relax and just let things unfold. Hard to do, let me tell you.

Off I go to work on scarf #2. Knit on, Chicks!

1 comment:

Trace said...

(friend of M-J's from flylady) My dad was depressed for years, and my mom finally got tired of the way he treated her. Apparently she had kept if hidden from us for a long time and stuck it out until we were out of our house and on our own. Anyway, my mom DID leave my dad which gave him a kick in the a**. My dad did make a number of changes (Welbutrin) and after "graduating" from therapy he agreed to go to a weekly support group. He still goes to the group and is still on his antidepressant. I'm not saying everything is perfect, but it did work out. However, my mom told me she still loved my dad and ultimately wanted it to work out, she just couldn't continue w/things staying the same at the expense of herself. I don't know if my story is helpful... I wish you luck w/your situation.