Friday, November 16, 2007

Scared

Only 41 knitting days left until Christmas. Even less for the office holiday party where I hope to present my hand knitted scarves to my team. Will I get it all done in time? I hope so!

I am scared right now and not just about the scarves. What I am facing in my personal life is frightening. I have to have faith that it will all work out right, but the biggest hurdle is getting my intentions out in the open. I must have the conversation with DH soon. I am not a "sneak out" kind of person. I feel that I have to be honest and up front.

What I am thinking is proposing a trial seperation. I want to see if I am really not in love with him or if I am just so hurt that I don't feel love right now. I want to see if he really cares about me or if I am just a familiarity (as I suspect that I am since he hasn't really spoken to me again). I also want to feel out how it will all work once we don't live in the same house. Or, is that a chicken shit way out?

What I do know is that I have prime opportunity to talk to him tonight as Dino will be attending "Parents Night Out" at his karate dojo from 7:30 to 11. Well, Dino won't stay until 11, but that is how long they are having the event. In any case, DH and I will be together and I am thinking we need to have an honest talk. I know it won't go well, but it has to be done. Let's hope anyway. I am not even sure DH will want to be around me. If not, I'll just get my nails done.

Off I go to start my next scarf....

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