Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Resolutions

I will be travelling to Michigan tonight and tomorrow and will not have access to post until after the 4th. So, in lieu of some witty commentary on life, here are my resolutions for New Year 2009:

1. Stop making resolutions.

Hope you all have a happy and safe New Year! See you in 2009!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Uncensored

Ok, so I made a vow to never censor myself on my own blog. And, for the most part, I haven't. When I am angry, I think it is pretty obvious. When I am sad, that too comes across, likewise when I am happy. However, there is one subject that I have not blogged about for fear that I would offend. The BF's kids.

Here's where I have to carefully choose my words, for they ARE just kids. But they treat J with such disdain and disrespect that it REALLY gets my goat. They are so sided with the mother (CBE, to us) that they blew off their own dad for Christmas. They are ungrateful for his sacrifices, and they speak very badly of him to his face. I find that I am totally irritated by them and their antics. CBE needs a solid kick in the head for the crap she has been pulling, and now she has the kids in on her freaky behavior. What I find is that I am tied emotionally to J, so I am tied emotionally to how they make him feel. And I find myself affected by their peevish behavior. They quite frankly don't even act like he is their father - just some sperm donor that happens to do laundry and buy them stuff.

I am trying to be objective here, but it is not easy. They are just children - 14 and 8 years old respectively - and they are quite impressionable. They have a steady diet of how their dad sucks fed to them directly from their mom, who finds any and all reasons to point these things out. She obviously cares little for their emotional or psychological well being and only wants to exact revenge on J by turning his kids against him. Ok, done.

So, moving on, the kids are now under her direct spell and prefer to have no contact with him. They have told him quite definitively that they prefer to stay in the rat-hole motel rather than travel to see their grandparents in another state. It's horrifying and fascinating the power this woman has over them. It's like watching a train wreck or the plane hit the tower - you are sickened and disgusted, but you can't stop it no matter how much you may want to. And, you know that it will end badly, but you're not sure exactly how. So you watch, and hope, and offer help in any small way you can.

But here's the thing - I thought we could all get along. The one weekend they spent at my house was kinda fun so I think it lulled me into a false sense of security of our standing. Not that I expected them to jump up and down for joy that their dad was with a different woman, I am not that naive. But since that time, their attitudes have changed drastically towards their dad - and I am not sure how they feel about me (except for the boy, who hung up on me several times that one night - little bastard). I had hoped that, given time, we would be able to forge some kind of bond. It seems now that this was probably a pipe dream.

In 7 days, J will be going to court to face mediation on the custody of these two ungrateful offspring. I don't believe there is a chance in hell that CBE will get full custody of the kids. In fact, I can't believe that a court mediator will allow ANY child to go to a woman who is living hand to mouth in a motel that rents by the hour, with no future prospects for a job or a permanent residence. So that means the children will end up back with J - and I dread their reactions. They already treat him so badly that it makes me cry inside for him. How will they treat him going forward if they perceive him as ripping them away from their mom? And if they hold that much resentment and anger, how will they react to me?

To be honest, with all that J has been through, it may be best that I step aside for awhile and just let them figure it all out. It is hard to write that. My instinct is to be there and try to help fix things. But this is not my mess to fix, and may only serve to complicate matters. I will continue to support J in all he does, and give him "sanctuary" when he needs it, but I realize that my needs and desires will and should play second fiddle to the needs of his kids. I am saying this now, because J and I have had some awesome alone time in the past couple of weeks. I look back and realize that this is because we need it. It will be harder for us to be together exclusively coming up, and I feel that we have had this time to help get us through. Soon it will be back to every other weekend and that will be a tough thing after having him all to myself for two weeks....

And, the kids. They irritate me to no end. I am almost glad they didn't want to go to Michigan with us (god, I hate myself for even writing that, but the truth is the truth). I dreaded them coming along and then hating the trip and complaining non-stop while heaping more verbal abuse on their father. I would have snapped. And I would have said things that they wouldn't have liked to hear. Like, "You know, when you grow up, you'll be sorry you didn't treat your dad better". Yeah, that needs to be said at some point. Then again, if they did come, they could get out of the chaos and turmoil they are in and see how "normal" people are when they don't lie, steal, or cheat to live. "Normal" people that have jobs and can afford homes and...stuff. They need that, too. 'Cause the more time they spend with CBE, the less likely they are to come out of this situation and have normal productive lives.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's The Most Magical Time of the Year

Unless you live in the Northeast and have ice on the roads, that is. I was up and ready to come to work extra early today. As it is, I stayed home until 6 a.m. BIG MISTAKE. Total idiot drivers caused havoc on the roads, tying up EVERY major artery. I kept cutting over to other roads only to find more and more backups. Sigh. After almost 2 hours on the road, I am finally at work and starting to decompress.

Because I want to focus on something positive, I am sending out wishes to my friends for a very happy holiday. No matter what you celebrate this time of year, now is the time to remember that life is precious and we should find joy in all that we do (with the main exception being stuck in traffic for hours - no joy there! LOL).

Although my Christmas will be different this year, it will be wonderful. I have Dino on Christmas morning to open his gifts. Then he goes with his dad. After that, J and I have our time together. Not that we haven't had time together all week, but this will be special. I am so happy that he is in my life. We will probably take a nap, but end up at DG's house for dinner. That should be awesome. I can't wait! That is such a departure from how I felt a couple of weeks ago when I thought that I would have to find something to occupy myself on this day.

Well, need to finally get to work. Please have a safe and happy holiday!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Pain To The 10th Power

Talk about embarrassment! While shopping at the supermarket on Saturday, I slipped on a cherry tomato and fell on my right butt and back. Wow! Did that hurt! At first, I as merely stiff, but as the hours ticked by, the pain grew and I simply felt like I was hit by a Mack truck. I could barely move my back. I had also jammed my right shoulder because like a ninny, I put my arm down to try to stop my fall. This caused my arm to jam up into my shoulder and cause my shoulder blade to slam into my mucles. OUCH!!!!

AG called me shortly after and gave some expert medical advice, which I have followed.... ibuprofen and ice/heat. J also was there to knead my back and shoulders almost continuously throughout the day and night. What a prince! He put up with me gasping and moaning (keep it clean!) and catered to my needs very sweetly. What an amazing man I have in my life! Thankfully, we didn't really need to go anywhere short of the karate party and taking DG's roasting pan back to her. I should have taken that time to totally rest, but I didn't.

I have this problem, see. I can't sit idle for too long when I know that there are things that I need to do. Like laundry, vacuuming, trimming the tree, putting the decoration containers away, clearing out the family room, cooking, and wrapping gifts. I allowed J and Dino to help, but I really felt like I had to get it done. Christmas is only 3 days away now. I realized my problem on Sunday, and tried to force myself to take it easy. Yeah, right. I was surprised I didn't take that moment to start putting the crap in the garage into the attic. I may have, if I didn't think that J would totally lose his patience with me as he kept trying to steer me to the couch where my massaging chair pad thingy was. But, I think it was more a need to get order in my life before the chaos of the holidays set in.

It still turned out to be a wonderful weekend, despite the fall. Still, the pain persists. It is definitely less than it was, and I feel with proper stretching and the continuation of ice and heat, I will recover from this. Since I REFUSE to have to see a doctor at this time of year, I am hoping that I can nurse it back to full strength without medical intervention. Sheesh.

Good news: J helped me wrap the gifts for Dino last night. I will wrap more tonight and hopefully be done.

Bad news: since Dino is off and I am not, he is being "farmed out" to my ex-MIL's house today and DG's house tomorrow and Wednesday. Sigh. I don't like him being away from me right now. But, it can't be helped.

Well, gotta try to work now. Typing is not too bad. Just a mild ache in my shoulder. But my wrist hurts from where I slammed it on the floor, so I will try to not over work it. Geez. I feel like an old lady!

Off I go to finish putting my team's gifts together. Have a good one, ya'll!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Feels Like Home

Last night was J's Holiday Party. The party was being held at a hotel in the city. I was originally supposed to bring my clothes to work and go right there, but I decided that I needed to "gussy up" at home. I did not count on the weather being a factor :)

Despite the rain (and subsequent messy roads), I managed to get home, throw on my dress, pack my cute little clutch and heels, and throw on my boots. The ride into the city was ok. Not great, but certainly not as bad as I expected. The rain kept speeds down, which was ok with me since I didn't know where I was going anyway. Once I got to Broad Street, I called J and he talked me to the nearest parking garage...but I had missed my turn, so I had to circle City Hall and go down 15th street. For once, I didn't mind driving into the city. The driving was fine, and there were lots of people out going to and fro.

After walking a few blocks, I met up with J at his office and saw his workstation (ummmm, let's just say he's a little far from a neatfreak) and met a few people. Once I spruced up my makeup and put on my heels (note: next time, wear the boots to the party and change there!) we headed out in the rain.

The hotel was not far, and we arrived in good order. It was a swanky place, with marble floors and a lovely lobby. Once we made our way to the party, it was obvious that a great deal of care and expense was put into the affair. It was really lovely. The food was awesome! And, meeting all of J's co-workers and friends was fun. I am usually intimidated at parties where I don't know many people, but I think with J by my side - and looking damn fine in his suit - made it a great deal easier for me.

We mingled over drinks and I discovered that the people J works with are all really nice people. I was welcomed warmly. Most didn't recognize J in his suit or were totally surprised by him. I was so proud to be there with him. He looked so handsome! Even his butt....lol.

Dinner was extraordinary. Did I mention how awesome the food was? EVERYTHING was great. I even ate sushi! Every morsel melted in the mouth. Then, there was dancing. I was extremely happy to find that J likes to dance. It was so much fun! Not too many people on the dance floor, but that was ok. We had a great time.

The pièce de résistance was the chocolate bar at the end. There were bananas, marshmellows, cookies, pretzels, strawberries and more to dip and eat. Mmmmmmmmmm. YUMMY! By this time, a good number of people left and it was getting late. One of the lawyers came over to say good night and she whispered in my ear, "I'll pay you to stay with him!" She was too funny! Of course, no payment is necessary, at least not in our currency :) TMI? Too bad! LOL

When J and I got back to the house, we were pretty tired. What was cool, and this is the point I wanted to make, was that it all felt so....normal. Going to the party, being introduced, having fun, and then going home with J felt like....home. And, waking to find him snuggled next to me....felt so right. I love this feeling. Better than I have felt in, well, forever! I will cherish this night for a long time.

Looks like Santa delivered my Christmas present early this year :)

Friday, December 12, 2008

Geek Chick In The News

Delaware (AP) (edited from previous version)- A self-proclaimed blogger that goes by the moniker of "Geek Chick" has declared that she is not sure what to blog about. With readership in the ones, she certainly feels a good deal of obligation to post witty and expressive dissertations on her life experience. She believes it necessary to warn readers when there is a serious lack of inspiration so that they are not disappointed when they don't find something new. This clearly bothers the 40 year-old mother of one, "I am simply stumped. That kills me! I have a big mouth, I have no trouble talking, so why can't I find something to blog about?"

Blogging has become a world wide phenomenon, with millions of people using this online outlet to share publicly what is going on in their lives. Some are funny, some poignant, and some are nonsensical. There are political blogs, technical blogs, craft blogs and pet blogs. Just about any subject you can imagine is being blogged about at this very moment.

So what makes Geek Chick stand out from the crowd? Well, as she puts it, "I am just one blogger trying to make sense of our world."

Born to relatively low tech parents, Geek Chick discovered her obsession with everything technology driven in the early 80's. Atari, Commodore, and Bulletin Boards (the precursor to Instant Messaging) were all part of her vernacular at an early age. "I was not necessarily a full fledged Geek yet," she says, sitting in her ergonomically correct chair at work, "but I was definitely bitten by the bug. I would come to the status of Geek slowly over several years of development."

Years later, Geek Chick is still learning what it means to be Geek. Gaming, blogging, Sci-Fi, learning to code in the wee hours are all part of the Geek heritage. What Geek Chick has discovered about herself in this journey is that not all Geeks are created in the same way. For her, it was a twisted and convoluted path to Geekdom. Holding jobs such as teacher, medical biller, salad bar girl, and finally IT Help Desk, Geek Chick relished learning the more technical aspects of these positions. Her innate desire to seclude herself became her avenue of discovery. "I never really dealt well with people. I still don't." She says, as she tosses her unruly red curls from her face. "I preferred to hole myself up somewhere to delve into the mysteries of HTML or Java. But, I have learned over the years that you need people. And in my current position, I can't ignore the people that work for me. The difficult balance for me is deciding how to interact and when. That's why I blog, it gives me an outlet for my true feelings so that I can be 'the boss' at work."

Geek Chick is not alone. A simple search using a well known search engine, like say Google, will turn up millions of links to people just making their mark on the world wide web. Most use blogging as an online journal, with personal thoughts, opinions and ideas posted for all the world to read. Reading Geek Chick's blog is like reading a diary. She shares her struggles, her pain, her joy and her triumphs. When something happens that she is particularly emotional about, she posts with passion and sometimes with foul language.

"Yeah, I know. Not so good, right?", she laughs. "Well, one thing I decided early on is not to censor myself. Since we are allowed freedom of expression in this country, I believe that no matter how vulgar others may see it, I am just saying how I feel."

What Geek Chick most wants to do is write. "I used to write short stories, poems, songs, limericks and I even tried a book once. What I am hoping is that by posting on a regular basis, I can develop my writing ability and get back to that. I crave that creative outlet that I used to have."

To that end, the blog "Geek Chick with Sticks" is a mish-mash of different writing styles and topics. One post about her son is poignant. Another about family is witty and dry. Sarcasm is a big component of her arsenal of blogging. She doesn't mind that not all people will "get" her humor. She just wants to be free enough to say what she thinks.

And so, Geek Chick has vowed to continue to blog, even when she feels she has nothing new to say. "I have to keep it up. It's the only way I can get my head straight sometimes. Like when I went through my divorce. It was hell, and I mean HELL for a short time. Blogging helped me through that. It wasn't just the journaling that gave me solace, but the people that posted their comments of support. I mean, where can you get that with complete anonymity like this?"

With that, the fearless blogger returns to her keyboard to attempt to pound out another gem of wit and insight. Blog on, dear Geek, blog on......

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Drama

Poor J. He is dealing with a great deal of c.r.a.p. right now with his ex over the kids. What I found as they spent the weekend with me (or rather, they spent the weekend at my house with J), is that the kids are generally sweet and just looking for attention and affection. J gives it to them, then they c.r.a.p. all over him. It's not that they are ungrateful, just misguided by their other parent. J's daughter seems to have really taken a shine to me - even tells me that I remind her of her dear aunt (whom I can tell she holds in the highest esteem). What really gets my goat, though, is how they treat their dad.

From the time I met J, I could tell that he really wants what is best for his kids. He is not a "hands off" dad by any means. I know that the past was hard on him, and he gave his ex tons of leeway when it came to raising the kids. I know that he came to the realization that they are NOT better off with her. He is fighting a constant uphill battle for their success in life.

I won't go into details, as that is his private business. What I will say is that it rankles me to NO END that he is treated so disrespectfully by the kids. They don't call him "dad", they call him by his first name. This would be sorta ok if they did the same with their mother, but they don't. This to me shows that they don't have any respect for his status as their father. They totally take advantage and it pisses me off. They also get really rough and violent with him, especially his daughter. When he says something she doesn't like, she immediately reacts by punching him or saying he is a loser. This really freaks me out. I have been able to bite my tongue, since it is his place to deal with them. But I know that I will not be able to sit on that forever. I expressed my opinions only to J so far. I did say on Sunday that there is no hitting around me. What I think I need to stress is that my house has some rules - like, we don't hit. We don't call each other names. We don't leave popsicle sticks shoved into the couch cushions (srsly, that freaked me out too).

T, the youngest boy, is much like Dino. In fact, he and Dino get along really well. Dino even calls T his "buddy". Lately, T has been acting JUST like a kid does when they are comfortable with the people they are around - they test their limits and act out a bit. Up until now, he has been on his best behavior. That changed this weekend. Don't get me wrong, he isn't being a hellion or anything. He is just pushing the little buttons that all kids push to see where it leads them. I am more than aware of this :) Thank goodness for my teaching experience! I can draw on that now to set the boundaries that he needs in a way that he can accept from a person that is not his parent.

I genuinely like his kids. I really DON'T like the situation they are in. I can't really blame them. They are a product of the struggles between a deranged mother and a dad that his trying his very best to be what they need. The problem is, they don't realize that they NEED him and the structure he wants to provide. They are fighting him every step of the way. Kids don't understand the grown up problems that J and his ex are dealing with - they make assumptions based on what they see and hear. And they hear a lot. They haven't yet said to me anything that I would find really alarming. But they have to be confused by all of this. And I can definitely see that they are torn. From the way they talk, their mom can do no wrong and their dad can do no right. That has to be really wearing on J. And yet, they are hanging all over him whenever I am around (staking their claim on him, no doubt) or when I call. They have affection for him, they just can't always express it.

On top of that, the ex is causing all kinds of havoc. I have never said this before about a mom who wasn't a drug addict or abusive in some way - but they would be MUCH better off without her. She is dragging them down into her chaos and there is no real way to stop it. At least, not without a court order. What I fear is that by the time the mediation date arrives (Jan. 7th or 9th, I can never remember which), she will have put wheels in motion that will only allow the mediator to make a decision that may not be in the children's best interest.

I know what you are saying - "But GC, you are defending your boyfriend, of course you are on his side." I say to you naysayers, "Duh." Yes, he is my boyfriend and I love him. But I am not blind in this relationship. I see him for what he is - a man trying to do the best he can with what he was dealt. I have seen him interact with his kids and find him to be an attentive parent. I have talked to him at length about options, course of action, decisions. This is really hard on him, and I want to be there to support him while he fights the fight of his life. I hate to see him suffer like this. And I hope he feels the love I give and that it lifts him up some.

The HONEST question I have to ask myself - how much drama can I take? I guess only time will tell. This is it, folks. The drama is here now. And so far, I can be the objective supporter that J needs.

****Update: there are powers in this universe that prevented me from finishing this post the way I WANTED to. I was rushed for time and left out a very important piece - and that is that I truly support and love J and want him to get his kids away from the psycho wench. The drama will come and go, as it does in all of our lives. I am just trying to say that I hope I can continue to be strong for him, and not fall into a wallowing puddle of self pity as I sometimes do when life gets REALLY hard. 'S all.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Shopping Madness

First, let me state for the record that as much as I LOVE Christmas time, I don't love shopping for Christmas. It's kinda a drag. Money is tight this year, but I did squirrel enough away to get Dino the things he wanted. What I didn't do was start shopping early this year, despite my vow to do so. Not sure if it was procrastination or my crazy schedule up to now, or just plain laziness. Whatever the reason, I have managed to get Dino almost completely done. I also was able to purchase a few things for J, and I even got myself a couple of things for Dino to give to me (cause he felt bad last year that I didn't have much to open). I have to still get a couple of things - like for my parents. They are notoriously hard to buy for. Something for my dear friend Fr. John, and also something for my team at work. I know I can get it done, it just is a frenzy and I don't like hitting the stores at this time of year. I doubt my little contribution to the economy will help, but it does make me feel a little bit better about helping to stimulate us out of a recession :) Kidding.

Ok, so I am desperate for ideas for my parents. I reached out to my sibs, and my brother replied that I could contribute money to a fund to get my parents to write out a will. Ummmm, don't think so. Not exactly saying what I want to say during the holidays. I mean, what kind of message will this convey? "Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad, here's a little something to help you when you DIE"....not.

Ok, so here's a thought. I am considering getting them separate gifts instead of one gift. I know my mom loves red, and will wear anything red. My dad, he likes to build models. So, that helps. I am sure I can find something along these lines.

Speaking of shopping, we had a department dinner last night with our VP. Since I get off at 3 p.m., I jetted over to SIMS (for the educated consumer, don't you know) and did a little shopping with one of my teammates. She helped me to pick out something for J's Christmas Party (which, I find ironic that they are calling it a Christmas party since the lawfirm is largely Jewish, but I digress....). I found the perfect black dress and stole to go with it. I even got a faux fur jacket to jazz it up. Nice. Of course, I couldn't stop there. I got this AWESOME beaded clutch. It's really a metal trapezoid shaped box, with a little handle, and black beads all over it. VERY funky and cool. Now, just need to make sure I have shoes...which I think I do. I also found two great sweaters. One of which is a gift for Dino to give to me, the other I am wearing right now. Love it!

Ok, so that aside, I am "almost done" my shopping. I hope to wrap it up this weekend. That would put me ahead of many past holidays. Next year, I SWEAR (sware, even) to start before Thanksgiving :)

On a different note, my baby brother's girlfriend had her baby last night. At 7:34, and weighing 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 21 inches long, he is a healthy baby boy. I can't wait to see him! I didn't get in until late, so I didn't get to talk to my brother directly. I will call him today :) Better get that blanket done, huh? LOL

Have a good day, y'all!

Monday, December 8, 2008

People SUCK

I arrived early to work this morning to complete some paperwork on my teammates. It really sucks that I have to take this step to make people do their jobs. On top of that, I discovered someone STOLE my digital picture frame from my desk - but the moron left the remote sitting here. I can't believe that this happened at work! I have heard of people missing things from their desks before, but that was over a year ago. And, our facility management has not reported anything taken in a long time.

I am so ANGRY and upset over this. The frame had pictures of my son on it. WTF????? I know times are bad, but COME ON. This was a personal item for me. I am freaked out and ready to cry.

The worst part is, work won't do anything but file a report. Big FUCKING deal! I feel violated and enraged. I don't have much money at this time and won't be able to replace it. That really sucks, y'all. And, on top of it, all I can do is pray the fucker removes the pics of my kid. That is the part that sucks the most. If they got into our building, they could find ways to figure other things. I hate not feeling safe anywhere, but it's worse when you know that they got into a secured building! Or, someone let them in.

It comes at the worst time of year, too, since Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time. Again, I know times are bad and this is just an indication that some people will do ANYTHING to avoid having to get their own shit. Well, they suck. I hope the motherfucker burns in hell!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Our New Addition

No, not the pop band, silly. That was so 80's! I am talking about our new little kitty. When I gave up my precious pup a couple of weeks ago, I was trying to think of a pet that Dino would enjoy and be able to help care for. DG and I discussed a smaller dog, but any dog would be too much for us at this point. Perhaps in the future.....

So in the meantime, I settled on wanting a cat. I have always been a cat person, and had my own growing up. My last darling, Benji, passed quite a long time ago. Because MFE claimed to be allergic (which I now realize he was not, just a PITA) I was not able to own one until I struck out on my own. I searched the internets for a kitty that wouldn't be too hard to obtain (side note: some of these rescue groups are quite fanatical when it comes to pet ownership - even of a cat. It seems to me that, while sometimes warranted, they go overboard on the "approval" process). I looked at cost, size, type, and known issues. I determined that the best thing for us would be a kitten, but not too young, and one that is laid back, likes to be held and petted, and gets along with other animals. I even considered adopting two kittys that were siblings or raised together.

For the past few days, I promised Dino that we would go to the local pet store to look at the hamsters (which I am against. Why deliberately bring rodents into your house?). Just to look, I made him promimse. We walked to the back of the store and discovered 3 cats in cages from a local rescue. One was older, a HUGE orange tabby. It was pleasant enough, but really didn't seem to care for the other cats. It hissed when they were near the side of their cage. Not good. The other two, kittens that were of the same litter and only 3 months old, were in the other cage. They were sleeping when we approached them, curled up together and oh-so-cute. I picked up the little boy kitten just as a couple approached. The little kitty was sweet, had long hair, and was very fluffy. He wanted to play. I noticed the woman that had come in was saying that the kitty was "hers". I thought this meant that she was giving the cat up. Then an older woman came up to us. She said that she had been there all afternoon playing with the kittens and had come back to get the little boy. Dino was disappointed, but I pointed out that the other kitty needed a home too. I handed over the boy and picked up the little girl. She immediately nuzzled me and started to purr. What a sweetie! After a little discussion, where the older woman stated that she had not wanted to leave the little girl alone, we decided that I would take the girl and she would take the boy. The store clerk informed us that we just had to pay the adoption fee and fill out the form and we could take them home immediately. I was ecstatic! Dino and I got a few supplies and walked out with our new baby.

She settled in just fine. I left her in the carrier for a bit while I picked stuff up and closed off doors in the hall. I set up her food and litter box. Then, Dino and I let her out. She took her time exploring her new home and I found that she had a few favorite places - under the china closet, behind the big screen TV, up on the window sill, curled up on the bean bag chair. She also had tons of energy. Dino really got excited that she wanted to play and he used the new toys that we bought. He played with her for quite some time! He never did that with the dog. I think that dog scared him and the kitten was just perfect for him.

J and his kids came over for dinner and to meet our new addition. His daughter is so good with animals. She has a knack for handling them. I wish now I had gotten some pictures of them with the kitty. His son was enamoured as well. He kept petting her and talking to her. She loves attention and kept purring and seeking for more. It was a very sweet night. They came up with a name for her - "Jingles".

After J and the kids left, Dino and I got ready for bed. Our new little miss followed us around. We got into bed and she snuggled up between us in the comforter and immediately started to purr. She slept there all night long.

This morning, I awoke and got into the shower. I was surprised to see the kitten sitting and watching. She was curious, that is for sure. When I pulled back the shower curtain to grab the towel, soaking wet, her eyes got HUGE and she leapt out of the bathroom in a single bound. It was as if she was saying, "OMG Mom! You are WET, and you did it ON PURPOSE!" She sat and the door and watched until I dried myself off and only then did she venture back in.

DG reminded me that our parents have a cat named "Jingles". When I woke Dino, we decided on a new name - "Mistletoe", and we will call her Missy. She is such a cute little miss, anyway, so the name fits better.

Dino played with her immediately and she followed him around as he got dressed and started to get ready for school. They already formed a bond, and it is so sweet to watch. He turned to me at one point and said, "Mom, I love my kitten. And she likes me!"

I hated to leave her, but she is already litter trained and knows where everything is. I closed off the bedrooms, laundry room, and the bathroom. I left her toys out, and a blanket on the couch for her to curl into.

Hope you find her as adorable as we do!




Thursday, December 4, 2008

What Geek Chick Thinks About The Economy

For those who know me well, it is obvious that certain issues are not paramount in my mind. Politics was one (until I met AG and J), money was the other. I look at money as an aid to my life, not a result or something to obsess about. One of the things that annoyed me most about MFE was his constant neurosis about money. Who has how much, who got what, and where they kept it were the main topics of conversation with him. I used to chalk it up to being born to immigrant parents who scratched and saved all their lives to have a good living. And I am sure part of this is true. But it got to a point where it became fanatical for him, and it totally turned me off. I was not one to fret about such things. As long as I had money to live, I was happy. Because of his preoccupation, he began to influence me and I started to worry about money too. Did I have enough? Was I making enough? Did I save enough? Was my 401K going to help me when I retire?

That last statement is really the only thing I should be concerned with, in my mind. I cannot and WILL NOT live my life wondering what everyone else is doing with their money. But, I do have to think about how I am dealing with money, and that kinda scares me. See, I was not raised in an environment where my parents were very wise about finances. This led to me never learning to manage my money well. So, now at 40, I am on my own once again and starting to realize that my attitudes have to change. I have thought I was better at handling money (and worked really hard on getting myself out of the gutter with debt and my credit score) but I am finding myself starting to struggle again, and I don't like that. I would much rather have a little cushion to make me feel "safe".

I am trying to be realistic here. With me only 7 months post divorce, I expected to struggle some. When I didn't experience any problems right away, I believe I fell into complacency. Now reality is setting in. And I am scared.

Add to that the fact that the economy is so bad. Add to that the fact that I lost 40% in my 401K in that time frame. Add to that the fact that I had to recently purchase a new car, adding to my debt.

Still, I know I will be ok. I will make due. I have plenty of ways to try to make my dollars stretch more and I know I can rework my budget into something a bit more comforting.

MFE, however, is in dire straits. The house is not selling, which I believe is the direct result of him trying to get more out of it than it is worth ($60K more!). He informed me that his credit card debt is still very high (was >$30 K when I left him) and he lost a significant amount in his IRAs (at least 58% from the form I received to sign off on the accounts recently). He also is responsible for the home equity loan he took out to purchase the rental property - equity of the VALUE of the house, not on what we paid for it. Then there is the loan he took to buy me out. That puts him into the unenviable position of being way upside down on his debt. If he doesn't sell the house for what he currently has it listed for, he will not be able to pay off all the loans. He makes less than I do, so I know he has to be hurting right now.

Why do I care, you may ask? To be honest, I am only mildly concerned. I think that he brought this on himself. I believe that what goes around, comes around. For all his preaching and (hey J, this is for you) pontification about saving and having money, he was not following his own advice. He dug himself a really large hole.

What I am concerned about is the child support. I didn't want to "need" it. I wanted to have it for those extras that Dino wants or needs. I find myself in a position now where I actually have to have that payment each month to get groceries or to buy Dino new shoes. That is where my concern lies. I suspect that MFE is crying "poor" now to try to do something to shaft his son. Hell, he tried it before during the settlement negotiations. He had his lawyer offer an amount that was HALF of what it is now, and only when I threatened to go to court did he concede. The man doesn't have an ounce of decency when it comes to supporting his kid.

I know the market will eventually turn around. I have faith in our newly elected president that he will find a way to make this country strong again. And, I am not freaking out about my 401K. It's a long term investment, so it will recover as well. Having this optimism doesn't help me when it comes to worrying if MFE will declare bankruptcy and not pay his child support.

Well, that's enough fretting for now. I must get to work to earn the money that keeps us going. I am going to try to put this out of my mind for now...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Insomnia

Last night, Dino spent the night with his dad. I went to my MK meeting (although not feeling too well) and sat listening to everyone else's success - side note: have not been able to do much with my "business" because of travel and holidays. Not an excuse, just is. I drove home and finally got some dinner. I talked to J and then got ready for bed. And stared at the ceiling. So, I got up and posted some pics from Disney to my FB album. Before I knew it, it was 11 p.m. Egads! I went back to bed and forced myself to close my eyes.

Funny thing about not being able to sleep...you have plenty of time to worry/stew/think. I worried about having enough money for Christmas. I stewed over something that happened at work. I thought about J... a lot.

Here's the thing, to keep this blog real, I have to reveal myself (keep it clean, I am speaking about feelings here). I started to think about things between J and I and I realized a few things:
1. J reads my blog and I have been holding back for fear of offending/embarrassing him.
2. I really want to shout from the rooftops that this guy is fuggin' awesome!
3. I am truly in love with someone. For the first time EVER.
4. Has it really only been 5 months since we first met????

I decided that I have to be true to me and talk about things openly. I am so lucky to have met J! I mean, a guy that doesn't mind that I "expel" in front of him is a total keeper ladies. And, he is introducing me to new things, like folk music and baseball. Still don't get the infield fly rule, but I digress.....

I want to be sure one thing is certain - I am totally secure in this relationship. We are moving at our own pace, keeping each other in check when needed, and generally just enjoying the moments we have together.

However, I wanted to try to put in words the way that this connection happened and is sustained by our commitment to each other. You are probably starting to have heart palpitations at this moment. It's ok. Take a deep breath. Rushing into things is NOT something you need to worry about for me at this moment. I am literally taking each moment as it comes and just going with instinct. Every fiber in my being is sure that J and I have something true and real. What we are trying to do is face it like grownups. We have both come from extreme situations; for me - abusive, for him - insane. So we are truly enjoying the moment of "new love" and getting to feel something that has been missing in our lives since...well, forever.

The thing is, when you feel like you've met your bestest friend and that person TOTALLY fits in with your family, you hold on tight. I used to think that "true love" was a hoax, something created to make others think that they are missing out on something wonderful (which I had for so long). I believed that there was no such thing. To an extent, I can see why people can lose themselves in this heady feeling. It's totally addicting. But J and I need to keep our wits about us since we have children that rely on us. For me, I want to stress that for the first time, I feel like I am in a "smart" relationship. And that doesn't just mean that J is a smart guy (which he totally is), but also that we are doing this right.

J is also someone that gets along so well with my friends and my dear sis DG. Once I got their approval, I felt like I had won the lottery. A guy that totally digs me and "gets it" when it comes to family, AND is able to kick back with the kin? Totally priceless y'all....

Not to mention his cute ass. Just sayin'.

Ok, I know the insomnia is kicking in now because my fatigue is starting to affect my typing and I am pretty sure I am rambling here. See what happens when you can't sleep?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Weird Times, My Friend

Rough night/morning. Not feeling well, and I seem to have lost my new ring that I bought to match my yellow topaz necklace and earrings. This is Dino's birthstone, and it really ticks me off that I can't find it. I just got it before I left for Disney. Sigh.

This morning, because I was looking for said ring, I was running late. I instructed Dino to put on his sneakers and get in the car. When we got to MFE's house, it turns out that he put on his good school shoes with his gym uniform. He can't play gym in them, so I had to run back to the house and grab his sneaks. I drove like a bat out of Hades, but I was still behind by about 15 minutes. Grrrrr. On a different note, the car has AMAZING power (compared to the beast I was driving before). It really is a sweet ride.

So, what's weird? Well, that's coming. Hang in with me a moment....

Wanted to give a quick update about Disney. I downloaded my photos to my PC, but haven't had a chance to put them on the web yet. I will. In the meantime, the trip was AWESOME. Couldn't ask for better weather, better behavior from Dino, and better conversation with strangers. It was like one big happy family. Dino wanted to spend most of his time at Hollywood Studios - on the Star Wars ride. 8x's my friends. Yes, you read that right. We rode it EIGHT times. It was a great ride, so I totally didn't mind. In fact, I kinda encouraged it. He had his faced painted as Darth Maul, then was pulled on stage to participate in the Jedi Academy Training show. That was freakin' HAWESOME. He looked so cute. They were walked through some moves to fight with a lightsaber, then suddenly Darth Vader was there. They each got to battle the Big Baddie. When Dino got his turn, Darth Vader says, "you look strangely familiar"...it was funny. Then, Dino battled him and Darth fell to his knee. Dino then got to use the Force on the Storm Troopers. He was the only one to do that. It was sooooo cool. Can't wait to post those pics.
There is WAY too much to detail here, but I will put up here the rides we got on and the number of times we did them:

Day 1 - Magic Kingdom:
Pirates of the Carribean - 2x
Haunted House - 2x
Peter Pan's Flight -1x (totally not worth the wait)
It's a Small World - 1x
Buzz Lightyear - 2x
Carousel of Progress - 2x
Stitch Experience - 1x
Tram (in Tomorrowland) - 2x
Monster's Inc. Laugh Factory - 1x

Day 2 - Hollywood Studios:
Star Wars - 6x!!!!!
Indiana Jones show - 1x
Great Movie Ride - 2x
Prince Caspian - 1x
Backstage Tour - 1x
Muppets in 3d - 1x
Power Rangers Meet and Greet - 1x

Day 3 - Animal Kingdom:
Dinosaur - 1x
Triceratops Toss - 2x
Bug's Life - 1x
Lion King Show (not a ride) - 1x
Safari - 1x
Fossil Playground - 1x (also not a ride)

Then we went to the hotel and played in the pool. Then went to Epcot:
Spaceship Earth - 2x
Finding Nemo - 2x
Space Mission: Mars - 1x

Day 4 - Epcot again:
Spaceship Earth - 3x more
Soaring - 2x
Circle of Life - 1x
Finding Nemo - 1x
Innovations - 1x

Then we went to Hollywood Studios again:
Star Wars - 2x more
Drew Carey Sound Experiment - 1x
Walked around a bit.

Back to Magic Kingdom:
Carousel of Progress - 1x
Buzz Lightyear - 1x
Tram - 1x
Fast Track - 1x
Haunted House - 1x
Electric Light parade - .04 times - Dino HATED it and we left.

Lots and lots of walking, lots and lots of shopping, lots and lots of eating. What was really cool was that we got to do the rides we really wanted a number of times and we seemed to hit them at exactly the right times for the lines to be minimal, or we got the fast track tix. I can't say enough good things about Fast Track. Really makes it totally worthwhile to get a time to come back later. We got to see a lot of side shows all over the parks, and even if Dino didn't want to meet many characters, I did get a pic of him with the Power Rangers and with Buzz Lightyear (and the Jedis of course).... All in all, totally worth it!

So, are you ready for what's weird?

Life is right now. Specifically the holidays without my son. I don't have Thanksgiving or Christmas with him this year. It's freaking me out. Thanksgiving was fine, though, because J and his kids were with me at my sis's house. That was awesome, to be honest. I really enjoyed the fact that the kids had a good time with my family. I missed Dino, but not as much as I thought I would. I am dreading Christmas, though. I mean, how can I do Christmas without my little boy??? I will have him Christmas Eve and he will wake up at home to open his gifts, but then MFE picks him up at 9 a.m. and I don't see him again until the 27th. It's making my heart hurt. Seriously. I know that J and I will find SOMETHING to do and will most likely go to DG's again (she's adopted me, it seems! LOL). It's just really a bitter pill to swallow that I can't spend the day with my baby.

On top of that, MFE is acting weird. I don't trust him any further than I can throw him. He is trying to be accomodating and is being CIVIL. It's so not like him. He's up to something.....

However, good things are also on the horizon - I will be going to Michigan for New Year's weekend with J and his kids to meet his family. It's really exciting for me. The drive (we are driving, it's too expensive to fly) will be interesting for sure, but with the DS and DVDs, we will be totally fine.

Before that is J's office Christmas party, which is next week. I seriously need to find a dress for that. I shamefully admit that I have gained a bit since October, and I totally need to get back in gear. But I think I can still look smashing enough to impress his co-workers :)

Ok, gotta run. Have a super duper day!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Back to Normal?

Hello Blog World!

Yes, I have been gone a LONG time. So sorry. Work travel, a magical trip to Disney, and Thanksgiving sort of kept me off line most of the past two weeks. And when I did log on, it was only for brief moments....

Synopsis: Dallas was nice (even though I got sick), Disney was awesome, and Thanksgiving was super. Now I am sick. Just a cold, I am sure. Been fighting it for some time and I think it finally got me.

I want to post more, but I am behind and I am trying to catch up on things here at work. I will post more on Disney and such this weeks.

Nice to be back though.....

Monday, November 17, 2008

A Weekend of Change

Hello blog,

Sorry for being offline for the past few days. Lots has happened and I am still taking it all in. I am feeling so many different emotions right now....

First, on Friday, I was forced to take sweet Katara back to the SPCA. She had been chewing as you know. Furniture, rugs, socks, toys, you name it - nothing was safe. The worst thing is, she was starting to chew people. She had nipped since I got her, but I thought it would subside. It did not. In fact, she became more insistent each time she put her teeth on someone. It was more a beg for attention, I understand that. But I can't have her knocking little kids over and grabbing their clothes. She was getting worse, and I was unable to take the time needed to train her properly. I admit it, I bit off more than I can chew with this one. When I took her back on Friday, I was met with open disdain and attitude. But, I knew I was doing the right thing. I just cried all the way to dinner....

Friday night, J and I went out to dinner with his work friend. It was a fab restaurant in South Philly. How amazing that food was! We then moved to a local bar for drinks. Unfortunately, the rain and stuff kept people away and it was a little "dead". Further, I was sooooo tired having been up since 4:30 a.m. and the emotional turmoil of taking the dog back. I had to beg off the festivities early. We just missed AG (who I was hoping to hang with) by about 15 minutes. Sorry AG!

Saturday, I test drove cars to replace my falling apart Xterra. I found a great car at a dealership and was given permission to drive it for the day. J and I took it into Philly for our lunch aboard the Spirit of Philadelphia (a lunch cruise). The lunch was good, but the cruise was better. We stood outside for a bit and just enjoyed being in each other's arms. It was so romantic! We then took the car back and I had to decide - buy the car now, or wait until after my trip to Disney? I decided if the numbers were right, I would take it now. After all, I needed a car and it was a sweet ride. The numbers worked out (sort of, but more on that later) and I drove off with the sweetest car I have ever owned. Now I find that at looking at the paperwork that the price the salesman gave me is not what made it to the sales slip. I have to call them this morning, or I may have to return the car....

Yesterday, J and I had to do some things and I had to catch up my laundry. I am in Dallas for 3 days this week and then I come home and leave for Disney on Saturday morning. I am not sure if I can get it all done! I have to pack Dino for staying with his dad and pack both of us for our trip to Sunny Florida. Luckily, the two will have different clothing requirements so I can get both done at the same time :)

So, that's it in a nutshell. Lots to do this morning, but I am sure I will get it all done. Hope that you had a great weekend, too! Not sure if I'll be posting much (if at all) from now until Thanksgiving, so hope that your holiday is one filled with Family, Friends, and Fun!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Meh

Feeling a little strange today. Not exactly bad, just....meh. Not sure why. Dino and I played Dino-opoly last night - it's a dinosaur version of Monopoly. It was fun, but of course, Dino whupped my butt. He's quite the mogul, my little guy!

Didn't really get to talk to J last night, either. He was able to get his kids and they were in need of some "dad time". I am so happy he got to have them for the night. Hopefully, that will be a regular occurrence for them. He's such a good dad, I can't imagine them not wanting to be with him. Except that his ex is on the "wobbly" side and doesn't appear to do much by way of encouraging them to be with him. In any case, we tried to be on the phone, but they interrupted often and loudly, so it was pretty obvious that they wanted and needed his attention. So, it was short lived.

I also realized that I have to get my itinerary to the ex today for my trips to Dallas and Disney. Should have that done today. It's a strange thing...

I hurt my pinkie on Monday. Not sure what is wrong with it, but I had jammed it into the dryer door. Do you know how hard it is not to type with your left pinkie? I put a little splint on it to keep from bending it and it is a weird thing not to use it. I keep messing up this post! Arrrgh!

Also, been looking at cars. My transmission slipped again a bit this morning. While I am in Disney, I am having my BIL check out my car to see what it may need, but I am pretty sure it is on it's last legs. I DON'T need another bill right now, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I've been looking at used cars and will be going out this weekend at some point to perhaps test drive a couple. I really like the Dodge Caliber, and it's good on gas. I was looking at the Prius, but even used ones are prohibitively expensive! One with 20K miles on it was selling for 23K. Sheesh!

Finally, I am looking to consolidate my debt on my credit cards. Now that I am on my own, I am finding it hard NOT to use them. Especially with Christmas around the corner. So, I am looking for deal where I can transfer the balances for no fee and a low APR. Any ideas are welcome.

Gotta get back to work. Later gators! Hope you have a better day than Meh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What to do?

Ok, y'all, I have a problem and I am not sure how to handle it. Woke up this morning to find that my lovely demon dog had chewed the WOOD part of the arm of a chair in the play room. On the one hand, the chairs belonged to my ex-mother-in-law and I shouldn't feel too badly about them being destroyed. After all, it's just furniture. On the other hand, they are antiques from over 70 years ago and I had hoped to one day have them redone to make them my own. I really like them. So, naturally, I freaked when I saw what the evil mutt had done.

Add to the chewing, the need to knock over any small child and nip at their clothes. Then, there is the constant nipping at my feet. And the stealing socks and chewing them to bits. And the spastic behavior whenever J is over. It's getting old and I am getting really frustrated and tired of her act.

I'm in a conundrum. What do I do? I know that owning a dog is work. I'm not so stupid as to realize that she is not going to stop this stuff without some sort of intervention. Here's the issue though: time. I don't have a great deal of it as it is being a single parent. Training is during the week - where I have less time than on weekends. I thought of putting a muzzle on her while people are over (and I may pursue this). But what to do when she is left alone? I can't (ok, WON'T) cage her as that is not fair to her. She's a dog for crying out loud.

And, despite her destructive behavior, I love her.

Sigh. Ok, thoughts and comments are welcome!

On a different note, I have one week until I go to Dallas and then turn around and go to Disney. I am boarding the Hound from Hell for the three days I am in Dallas. Then my darling (and quite brave) sister, DG, offered to watch her while I am in Disney. Disney in only a week and a half away! YIKES! So much to do before now and then! I have to make sure I have bags packed for Dino since he will be with his dad for the three days I am in Dallas. I also have to have a separate bag for Disney. I am starting to spaz a little myself.

But, it will all work out. I can't wait to go away with Dino and see him in Disney. I have wanted to do this for so long now. It's going to be an awesome time! Count down has begun....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Playing Hookey

Good morning, y'all!

Quite a busy weekend! First, went to a baby shower for my brother's girlfriend (or soon-to-be fiance, whatevs!). It was fun, hectic, and sweet. She is such a wonderful person, and seeing her with her family and friends really just struck me how lovely she is. Her mom had a slide show of baby pictures on the wall, and it was just so sweet to see her and my brother's pics together. Their baby is bound to be GORGEOUS. Yes, I am biased.

After, J came by and he hung out. Spending time with J is awesome and I savor every moment. I did some quick clean up of the house since I was having family over on Sunday....

Second, had Dino's 7th birthday party on Sunday at the karate studio. J helped keep everything running smooth and even ran back to the house for my phone because I left it there like a wacko. We had run around all morning getting stuff and he was a HUGE help to me. After, we went back to the house and had family over. That was utter chaos. And, even better, J did not run screaming from the house. It was the best introduction to our family gatherings that I could possibly ask for - kids were occupied, dog was spastic, parents were co-herent for once, and sisters were just plain chatty. J seemed to enjoy it, but we both totally crashed after.

Yesterday, I was so beat and "hung over" from all the activity, that I took a day off of work. I had a couple of other things to do, and J had some errands, so we spent the day getting things done. It was nice, though, because we didn't rush, and didn't try to stick to a schedule (except when we had to pick up Dino from school). It was a good day, and capped off a great weekend.

Back to work today. Not too much going on, so hopefully I can get some things done for the week that are due and just get myself back on track. I am getting excited about our trip to Disney in a week and a half. I also have that trip to Dallas through work, so I have to find a kennel for my dog for those couple of days. She is really spastic and hopefully will not have too much trouble.

Gotta jet. Tons to do. TTFN!

Friday, November 7, 2008

In Which She Discovers Something

Last night, J came over for dinner. I heart me my J! :)

I tried an old favorite that I had not had in a long time, chicken breast cutlets lightly seasoned with provolone cheese melted on top. Easy, quick, and oh so tasty! I was turned on to the Trader Joe's bag of chicken breast cutlets by the one and only Domestic Goddess. I had not been to TJ's in a while and when J and I went there this past weekend, I loaded up. Salmon, tilapia, and chicken. I had not tried the chicken on my own before, but I had them at DG's. They are awesome! If you have the chance, grab a bag. The cutlets are individually frozen and are the perfect portion for a single meal. Totally awesome.

Ok, that was not what this post is about. The post is about my boyfriend. Since he reads this blog, I will not say tooooo much. But this blog is also my journal, and I would be amiss if I didn't stay true to my need to get my thoughts and emotions out in the written word. 'Sides, I can't help but share my happiness.

I haven't been happy in a long time. DG will attest to the fact that when I was younger (MUCH younger these days...) I was a wacky, happy-go-lucky person without too much consternation. I had a severe self-image issue, but other than that, I was generally pleasant to be around.

As I grew, I found that my inner happiness was continually compromised by my desire to be accepted. I kept giving others the power to "make" me happy or miserable. It soon became a habit and before I knew it, it was standard practice for me to look to others to affect my mood or self-image. Thankfully, I didn't have any wild inclinations at the time, or I would have ended up in dire straits....

Well, I sort of did. I latched on to specific types of people. One of them was my ex. Someone that seemed to have it all together, were a commanding presence, could be in control (since I had lost control). At the same time, I did little to improve my self-image. I gained weight at an extraordinary pace. I used my fat as my "security blanket". I wanted to keep people at a certain distance so they wouldn't hurt me, and I felt that the weight would do that. Until I met my ex, I didn't think any man would want to be with me. I had some minor relationships, one of which was quite abusive. So the ex seemed like a breath of fresh air. A bit of a dork, but someone that seemed to have it all together.

After spending 10 years with the man, I realized how my lack of confidence and my penchant for giving away my control led to my own misery. Between my sisters' advice and a self-improvement course I took at work, I found that I WAS strong and I HAD confidence. I wanted more. I needed to find my fun side again. I desperately clawed my way out of the abyss.

I fought for my right to be happy, but it didn't seem like MFE wanted to fight it with me. So I ended the marriage that had been such a source of pain and anguish. I decided that I would no longer be controlled. I would no longer give someone else the power to make me happy or sad. I would no longer wait for good things to come my way. I would no longer use my weight as an excuse to not take risks. This was going to be MY time. And it has been.

In the past several months, I have grown by leaps and bounds. I didn't know what the future held. It was scary, yes, but enthralling as well. Finally, I was in a really good place, mentally and emotionally. I actually believe in myself and my abilities. I truly feel strong and worthy.

Enter J.

What started as a good friendship has turned into a great relationship. J is a man that is honorable, attentive, and kind. He is someone that doesn't make me feel like anything - he complements me. He doesn't try to control or be influential. He gives me the best gift of himself. J doesn't try to change me, he encourages me. We are interconnected in a way that I never had before. Why? Because I was never in the right place with myself. I seriously feel like J completes me. How awesome is that?

I am falling for him. Hard. But not blindly this time. Not stupidly, like I did before with others. I have my eyes wide open on this one. We both have things to work on in our lives, so we made a conscience decision to not rush things. We know that the time is right for us, and we know that there are better things to come.

And, I like his butt. Just sayin'.

So my discovery was that I held myself back. I was in my own way when it came to happiness. Now that I have let go of the pain of the past, I can move forward into the light with a man that will be a real partner. Someone that will allow me to make my mistakes, but hold me up to help me fix them. Someone that makes me WANT to be a better person.

<3 J!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

For The Love Of One Man

Hey y'all...

GC is a little tired this morning. Overslept after trying to get caught up last night from my sleeplessness the night before. I don't regret a thing! I still believe that I was priviledged to witness what I think will be a defining moment in American history. Anyway, I still managed to get to work on time, thanks in part to erratic and frantic driving...kidding!

So, from the title of this post, I bet you think I will be blogging about my sweetie, J. Well, sorry to disappoint you. No, this blog is about my father. The man that set the standard, as it were. I have long admired him, but really didn't "connect" with him. Recently, I have come to realize that my distance from him emotionally and physically were not doing me or my son any good. So, without further ado, here is my story...

As I was growing up, my father always set the standard for living truly and without prejudice in a world wrought with hatred. His acceptance of others in our society have always been my benchmark for my own treatment of people. He always taught me that people were people. They didn't have red, black, yellow, or white skin. They didn't give anyone cooties. They were flesh and blood.

He also taught me to respect myself and to take pride in anything I do. He always taught me that anything worth doing, was worth doing so well that I would WANT to admit that I did it in the first place. He was a great influence on my job ethic. Be the first to get there and the last to leave - that was his motto. Set an example. Be a role model.

So why the strain on our relationship? Well, let me 'splain....

My dad and I are SO similar, we butted heads all the time. When he would challenge me to do better (even if I got freakin' honors, y'all!) I would take it as an insult that he wasn't proud of what I did accomplish. I only saw the negative when he would push me to finish what I started. As an aside, I believe I had ADD growing up and that this was a source of frustration for him when I couldn't stay on task. In any case, he would push, and I would push back. Hard. I felt like I was never good enough because all I heard was "you can do better" and not the "I'm proud of you for doing this, but..." .

He was also VERY strict as I was growing up. No makeup, boys, or late nights for me and my older sis. No, we had RULES. I have always hated rules. Still do. As the younger siblings grew, the rules changed and they were given a bit (ok, a TON) more feedom. Why? Don't really know. Not important. What is mportant is the fact that I resented it. I felt that I wasn't trusted and that meant that I didn't meet his standards....

The funny thing is, my dad was my hero and I don't really know that he knows it. Even during the angst ridden teenage years where being a rebel meant that I put makeup on BEFORE I left the house, just to get his goat. Even when I made stupid choices or did things I knew that he would not approve of, just because. Dad was always there for me and always trying to make me see the value of being a better person.

Don't get me wrong. Dad has his faults like any other human. He is stubborn, hotheaded, and sometimes doesn't see the forest for the trees. Hmmmm, sounds awfully like some red-head I know and see in the mirror each day, but I digress. He also gives in to my mom WAAAAY too often and tends to keep his head in the sand when it comes to her. That alone can be another post, so I won't go into it now. But something changed after I was married. My dad and I pulled away from each other. I believe it was because of my treatment of my mom. I distanced myself from her because of her insanity (yes, she is nutty, but I am referring to the drama she creates). This may have led to him thinking I was "ostracizing" her, mainly because I am pretty sure she was telling him this. Suddenly, it was a different relationship. When MFE threw a tantrum and threatened me, Dad really just disappeared. I felt like they were leaving me to my own devices. It hurt, and I began to understand that I was on my own when it came to really tough situations. Mom did the same thing. She suddenly stopped calling. She would stop asking me about my life when she did call, and instead started to update me on the constant actions of my siblings. I lost the desire to even talk to them.

I did stay in touch with them, though. At least until I had my etopic pregnancy. Mom threw me into a tizzy with a very strange, crazy, and upsetting phone call. Dad didn't call at all. I made only the feabilist attempts at staying in contact and only had sporadic visits. As my marriage was disinigrating, I sunk deeper and deeper into my own world. It was a tough time for me, but I tried to put on a brave face and pretend everything was ok. It wasn't. I knew in my heart that my parents HATED the treatment I received from my then-spouse, but they wouldn't say it. MFE would openly berate me in front of them, and they still kept silent. Then, my ex-FIL passed on and all hell broke loose in my life. MFE became even more abusive (fueled by depression) and I withdrew even more. It was my sisters that pulled me up and forced me to see what was going on. Without them, I would be in misery still.

Once I decided on divorce, I called my dad to let him know. He wasn't surprised. He said he would pray for me. That was it. For some reason, I felt so alone and couldn't reach out to him to have him help hold me up. I didn't want to burden him with my issues. He had enough to worry about with my crazy mom doing stupid things and basically freaking everyone out. I felt like my issues shouldn't be his priority at that moment.

Still, I wanted and craved his guidance. What should have been a time to bring us closer together only served to force a wedge deeper to widen the chasm. What COULD have been the perfect opportunity for me to reach out was lost. I chose not to. I also thought that by trying to get closer to him again would only open the path to the insanity of my mom and what she did to my psyche.

My brother's recent issues with his life and marriage led him to share with me the fact that he has forged a new bond with our father. I started to look at my own relationship and realized that I need to do the same. Thanks to my brother, who showed me that Dad is an honorable and respectful man who just didn't want to meddle in my affairs. He was just waiting for me to reach out again. Patiently waiting.

It makes me sad that I let so much time go by. So much wasted time. But I am awake now. I see him in a new light, and also my poor mom, who can't help her mental instability. I am trying to make a new connection. I called him last night. He immediately handed the phone to my mom. I think he is hurt, and who wouldn't be? I ignored him long enough to cause pain. But I intend to do something about it. Hopefully, I can repair the rift quickly. After all, time is not on our side.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

On a High and Mighty Horse

Alrighty, let me just state for the record that I am NOT about pushing beliefs off on others. Nor do I feel the need to defend myself in any forum for what I think, feel, or otherwise subscribe to. Therefore, I WILL NOT, read that America - WILL NOT - be baited into a political debate about my choice in candidates. Especially since the election is OVER PEOPLE. Get on with your life now. If your candidate didn't win, try to understand why. Don't push hate around. Don't use my FaceBook page for your scrod vomit (that was for you, J-babe) drivel about how my candidate lied, or about how much money he spent on his campaign. Don't feel the need to send me yet another email about how our country is about to go into ruin. I don't wanna hear it. It's not that I don't respect your opinion, or your right to one. Just go the freak away....or better yet, next time get involved and do something. This is America. You have that right. But you know the saying...People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones....

I have witnessed a truly historic event. I will always remember where I was when Obama was elected. I was sitting on the couch watching the results, with J running commentary over the phone. I was so excited, I couldn't sleep! Caught up in the moment, as it were. Then it happened. And I actually got chills. Not because the first African-American was voted into the White House. But because the country for once pulled together to really affect change on our government. How's that for democracy? Not too shabby.

I was even impressed with McCain's concession speech. He was gracious and seemed to be sincere. I hope so. We need everyone to get this country to where it should be.

Finally, I am REALLY tired. I stayed up through the acceptance speech, too thrilled to sleep. But now I am paying the price. Ah well, I'll get some sleep tonight I hope. Thanks for voting, y'all. We'll get where we need to be.

Monday, November 3, 2008

#30 - The end of the experiment!

Ok, so here is the final post on The Importance of Being Positive. My experiment is "over", but it really is just beginning to sink in that my new frame of mind brings so many benefits. And I feel much better about myself, my life, and my situation. I feel like I can handle what I have right now. That is soooo important to me.

There are so many good things in my life right now. The weekend was Incredible, time with J just makes me so happy. Even though Dino was with his dad this weekend and missed Halloween at our house, I didn't have a lot of time to think about that. Except for Sunday morning breakfast. J and I were sitting in the diner when I hear, "Hi Mom!" I turned and found Tony, Dino, and the GF and her daughter standing there waiting on a table. I introduced J to them, and then Dino came over and started to talk to us. He wanted to sit with us, too, but I told him he had to go with his dad. I did get to observe the GF with Dino, and for some reason it really made me happy that he could be at ease with her. No jealousy on my part. Weird?

It was odd, and a little awkward, but not horrible. And I felt that J didn't get freaked out like I thought he would. So, all is good.

In other news, my VP scheduled a trip to Dallas for the teams that report up to him. The trip is scheduled for November 18th to the 20th. The issue is that I will have to then turn around and fly to Disney on the 22nd. I haven't decided if the Dallas trip will happen. How in the world will I get all the packing done and be ready for Disney? I have until noon today to decide. I will have to talk to my manager to find out if he is going to insist that I go. Otherwise, I will elect to stay behind in favor of going on vacation....

This coming weekend is Dino's 7th birthday. Hard to believe he will be 7 already! There is a baby shower for my brother's girlfriend to attend and then Dino's karate birthday party to host. Fun for all! Which reminds me, I better order that cake....

Finally, Dino and I have only 3 weeks left to be ready for Disney! I will have to be sure that I am ready, one way or another :) I am really looking forward to taking him and seeing the parks through his eyes...

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, it's off to work I go! LOL Later, gators!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

#29 - J Time

Sing it with me now....

da nanana, da na, da na, J time!
da nanana, da na, da na, J time!

Yes, it is FINALLY here! J time this weekend. This every two weeks thing is hard, but it makes the time we are together so much sweeter. So Geek Chick will be offline the rest of the weekend. Enjoying a lovely time with my honey, going to a party, and generally just enjoying myself. Hope you can enjoy your weekend too! Later gators!

Friday, October 31, 2008

#28 - More Fun Than A Barrel Of Monkeys

Wow, y'all! I can't believe how a little baseball talk can spark such animated banter :) For the record, my eyes glaze over only on the math that computes any baseball averages. I understand Pi and algeria therom. It is totally possible that I just didn't care enough (before meeting J, that is) to understand or attempt to commit to memory the batting averages or on base average. However, so Geek Chick is not totally excluded from the conversations taking place on her own blog, she will now take some time to study these concepts and be able to make an intelligent comment or two.

Speaking of spirited conversation, yesterday's post has fueled quite the debate. It's the most fun my blog has seen in years. And I am loving it. The more debate there is, the more I learn anyway. So carry on friends! One of these days I'll be able to join in the verbal sparring....

On a different note - only 30 hours (more or less)until J time! He did come for dinner last night, and a nice dinner it was. Short, but very, very sweet. Holding hands and stealing a kiss or two is enough to hold me over...for at least a day or two. I was so jazzed after he left that I decided to clean the really disgusting fish tank. By the way, NOT my choice to even have a fish tank. Thank my Nutty Mom for that idea. It was cool until I realized that I had NO idea how to clean the damn thing...but I digress. Once I got started, I felt I had to finish it up. Have to say that the thought crossed my mind that if the fish somehow expired in the transfer of tank to bowl and back again, I would not shed a tear. But, Dino likes his fish, so that idea was shot down pretty quick.

After much cursing, freaking, and general mayhem, I have a mostly clean tank. Still need a new filter. But at least the water is not green. Yes, it was REALLY disgusting. And I really don't want to ever have to do that again....

It's also Halloween. That means tons of snot nosed brats...er, I mean kids, coming by for free candy. At my last place of residence, I never had to worry about trick-or-treaters. We were on the main road and thankfully people were smart enough to not let their demon spawn run around there. So, for the last 3 years, no candy was given out. However, this year will be different. I live in a REAL neighborhood and there are about 20 kids within a 2 block radius. Probably more. I know I will run out of candy, but that's ok. I can clear out the fruit snacks that Dino has suddenly developed an aversion to. I am attending Dino's school party and parade this afternoon (and forgot my camera! ACK!) then will rush home to pack him for the weekend and get ready for the night. Not sure what Dino is doing as far as Trick-or-Treating himself, as this is his dad's weekend and he should be going with him. But, true to form, MFE has no idea what the plans are and doesn't much care. Sigh. Just waiting to find out the plans. I am sure it will work out.

Must get to work now....only 29 more hours to go!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

#27 - Champions!

I am not a huge baseball fan, as J can attest to :) In fact, except for the Eagles, and sometimes the Flyers, I don't really follow sports. But when a Philly team does something extraordinary, I can't help but get caught up in it. When the Philadelphia Phillies got to the playoffs, I started to pay attention to them. I didn't watch (mainly because I am the kiss of death - whatever game I watch, my team loses! Srsly!) but followed it online. This team personified Positive Thinking this season. I did get caught up a bit in the hype as well. But this was an exciting time for the home team. I won't consider myself a Phillies Phan, 'cause the people that stuck with them through thick and thin deserve the honor of that title, but I am a supporter (and no, not an athletic supporter, so don't go there). I want to see our guys do well, no matter what sport is being played. So, when game 5 was picked up last night, I decided "what the hell" and watched. I didn't expect to be riveted to the TV the way I was. I couldn't move. I was in awe. And on pins and needles. But when that moment came when Lidge threw the final out, I almost jumped out of my PJs! It was thrilling to watch and I was pumped. I even watched the crazy Phans on the street celebrating after. Tens of thousands of people jumping and dancing in the streets. Amazing.

So here now, Philadelphia finally (or Phinally as the tee shirts say) has another Championship under their belts. Phans and casual obervers alike will rejoice as the team parades down the streets of Philly. The city can once again hold up a sign saying that they are winners. Way to go, Phils. You ROCK!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

#26 - The Waiting Game

Good morning, blog-o-sphere! Hope everyone slept well. I did. You know, I still haven't turned on my heat at the house. Not that I am being stingy, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to have another $300 bill from the power company...
Of course, now that the attic vents are in, that may not be the case, but still. It is quite cold at night now and I was pretty cold last night, but buried under the blankets I was comfy and cozy. Wish I was still in bed, come to think of it.

It's only Wednesday, but I am already anticipating the weekend with bated breath. I find it hard not being able to see J whenever I damn well please. What may seem like a negative is a good thing, though. See, my positivity is really paying off! In the past I would sit and stew in my frustration. Now, I can see that these breaks are good for us. Not that we are out of touch with each other for any real length of time. What with email, texting, chat and the phone, we really aren't "apart". But not being able to see him does suck big hairy donkey balls. However, on the bright side, it allows us to move along naturally as we discussed. One thing that kills a relationship quick is overexposure. Spending every waking moment with someone or rushing to do many things in a short period of time can be wearing and can burn out a newly lit flame. Plus, we both have children that do need our attention, so there is that. So we play the waiting game and will make every moment count this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, a co-worker is hosting a Halloween party on Saturday that we will be attending. Her parties are usually the bomb. She has this gift for throwing fun soirees where anyone can feel comfortable and enjoy themselves. Last year, I went to the party alone but felt just fine about it. So many fun people were there. She has rules, though: must come in costume to be able to drink, must have a drink to share with others, and (this year) must wear a moustache. She throws in these little fun quirks. Should be a blast. However, my costume plan was switched when J's mom couldn't locate his band uniform. Ok, yes, he was a band geek (DG can rejoice). Depite that, he is pretty normal :) Anyhoo, he was going to wear his band uniform and I was going to wear a cheerleader costume - then J pointed out that band geeks didn't get the cheerleaders. Ah well. Since the uni was not uncovered, he turned to his next choice...one guess...come on, you can do it....think "America's Pastime"...Yup, a baseball player! Ding! I was trying to come up with SOMETHING that would match that, 'cause I always wanted to do that couple-thing for Halloween. The only thing I had was...ball girl. Ahem. Yes, you can see that would have been funny, right? But, not to be. For one thing, I do not have a Detroit Tigers Jersey to match his. For another, well...just can't think what I would wear to be a ball girl. So, I switched it up. I am going to dress as a Rocky Horror cast member. Not any of the leads, just an extra. Fishnet stockings, teased out hair, garish makeup, and glittery clothes. To my surprise (and delight) J knew exactly what I was referring to! Who woulda thunk? I would have gone as Janet but I don't wanna walk around in a bra and slip all night. Too cold.

Must get back to work now. Hope that you have a great Wednesday. Stay positive, y'all!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

#25 - And Them Some

Ok, for the record - J got 2 doubles and a homer with 3 consecutive at bats...and I lost. Yup. Not that we are competitive or anything, right? 'S ok. I plan on being the next one to bury his ass at Wii baseball. Just sayin'. I'll probably eat crow on that one, but hey, at least I don't smell like Ohio....

I woke up this morning feeling REALLY tired. Have not yet caught up on my sleep, and spending an hour or more a night on the phone getting my J fix doesn't help. I am NOT complaining! Just so y'all know. I wouldn't give up my "voice time" with J for anything in the world...unless it is face time with J, but that is whole 'nother post. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Still, as tired as I was, it really hit me how lucky I am. It's cold and rainy out, but I was somewhat warm and comfy inside. I have the means to provide a nice house for my son, have a car (that's falling apart little by little, but still), keep a dog that is sweet and annoying at the same time, and still be able to do some early Christmas shopping(By the by, J's present is ordered. I plan on torturing him until it is unwrapped).

I am so blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I have a fab family, a super son, and fantastic friends. And I have been really fortunate to have met J. Ok, this is going to get mushy - warning you now! J, if you are embarrased, please skip to the next section. Thanks.
I know I said it before, but putting this in "Mr. Baseball" terms, this relationship has come out of left field. J has added so much to my life and I have to say, I am so grateful he did not run screaming the other direction when met the first time. Normally, a guy would never meet me unless I was fully made up and had on my best skinny jeans. Not so on our first meeting, I was in my bum clothes, no make up, and my hair was all wild and curly. Not that it would have mattered. We were just friends, after all. I told him everything - even about Mr. HKwho? and the guys I was meeting online. He knew about my crazy ex (he has one too) and about the struggles I faced getting my divorce. As we compared notes we discovered that we had "parallel lives". So many things we went through in our lives were similar. I relied on him for his perspective into the insanity when it hit me, and I tried to offer the same steady viewpoint when his life was nutty.
I can't pinpoint why it changed when it did. All I know is, I knew the moment it happened. I felt it. It was a real, tangible shift in my perspective. Like a moment when you are coming out of a dark tunnel.
J makes me feel special. He helps me get back up when I am down. He allows me to be me, and doesn't make me feel inferior (aside from losing at baseball, but I digress...). I am so lucky to have met him and that he decided to take a risk and supercede our friendship to ask me out on a date. It's still very new for us. We are taking it slow. But with the friendship as our groundwork, I feel closer to him than I have ever felt to any man in my life before. Ok,now I probably scared him off :) But I have to be honest. Actually, he knows all this. I am just trying to put into words how amazing it is that this clicked at all. It's true, when you least expect it, you get it.
Ok, enough of that. I am feeling really warm and fuzzy today. I think I'll go hug a tree - when it stops raining, that is....

So here is a totally random thought that I just felt like sharing:

I love technology. It allows me to communicate with people around the world almost instantly. It gives us knowledge (and b.s., let's be fair) at our finger tips. It entertains. It gives us news. It provides a soapbox for any cause that one wishes to hype. The information super highway has become the preferred way for many of us to stay in touch. Oh, but it's not just about the internets. Oh no! There is also the beloved cell phone. Texting, chatting, email, not to mention the actual ability to CALL someone IRT (all about acronyms these days - IRT - In Real Time). It's all so amazing.

And here is what I use technology for mainly:
1. Updating my status on Facebook
2. Reading my friends' statuses on Facebook
3. Chatting with J whenever I can online
4. Yahoo Messenger
5. MS Office Messenger (required at work, suckers that they are!)
6. Reading Blogs
7. Writing my blog
8. Texting
9. Downloading ring tones (it's an addiction really....)
10. Paying my bills - all of them!
11. Blackberry email
12. Keeping up with company stock (ummmm, let's not go there....)
13. Weather updates
14. Sharing photos
15. Ordering stuff (eBay Addicts Anonymous, proud member)
16. Googling - it's a word, look it up
17. Homework with Dino
18. Playing games (thanks for the Lingo addiction, DG)
19. Until recently, dating :)
20. Work - when it fits into my otherwise full schedule

Hug your computer today. It does a lot for you :)

Monday, October 27, 2008

#24 Continued

As I mentioned in my previous post, J brought over his daugher and son last night for dinner and some fun. I was a bit nervous meeting them, but not a whole lot. I just wanted them to have a good night and not worry about impressions. I didn't have to worry. They were sweet, funny, and engaging. It was a really good night. After about 45 minutes or so, J and I looked at each other and I think we both realized that things were going to be A-OK. We ordered Chinese food (and it was yummy, thankyouverymuch), watched a Scooby Doo movie and then played Wii Sports. Dino and J's son really hit it off almost immediately, so I was quite surprised when Dino started to get really bossy and arrogant. And I think it took HIM by surprise when T (J's son) started to beat him at one of the games. Dino, being ever the gracious host, declared the game over and pouted upstairs in my room. I, on the other hand, joined in the fun. T and C (J's daughter) played the baseball game and had a good time with it, but then J and I decided we had to play a game.

Did I ever mention that J is like Mr. Baseball Lunatic Fanatic? Srsly, ask him who played 3rd base for the Yankees in 1963 and he can tell you, along with the color of the guys favorite socks. If anyone wants to know ANYTHING about baseball, ask J. Next time you see him, ask him about Merkle's Boner.

So J proceeded to kick my butt by hitting a double and a home run. I hit bubkis. Nada. Zilch. Lots of fouls, no runs batted in. Sigh.... J is also quite the funny guy and just HAD to give me some gentle ribbing about my tragic loss to his superior sport prowess....

But, it's ok. I am fine. Really. Just plotting my sweet revenge.....

Back to Business - #24

This weekend was hectic and crazy, but fun all the same. It was a stunning combination of craziness lack of sleep. Bugaboo gave us a run for our money, but I MUST point out that he did not:
a. run away
b. get over the fence
c. open any doors on his own
d. stim on coffee grounds
e. eat anything that was not give to him on purpose

I am proud of that fact. What I am not proud of is how it took two grown women (and the sometimes help of one surly teenager, but I digress)to watch over him. Really now. Two??? Yes, you read that right. Two. Duo. Dos. Due. In any language....

I have a new respect, awe, and admiration for DG. I have always looked up to her a certain extent, but now the pedastal is WAY up there. How she does that day in and day out is totally beyond me. She must be an alien or have DNA distorted by the gamma rays of her hair dryer to be able to keep up with that little tiny child. And, y'all, he is super fast. At the park, I let him run since it was fenced, and I heard one of the teenagers playing basket ball say, "that little dude is FAST, man!". I laughed. He has no idea!

It was an exhausting but rewarding weekend, and I just hope that in some small way, I was able to give back to DG a bit....

Last night, J brought his kids over for dinner. We were a bit nervous, I think. Would his two get along with Dino? Would they like me? Would I be able to keep my hands off him while he was there?

The answers are YES, yes, and no. More detail to follow. I have to get to a meeting:)

Later y'all!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Offline Weekend

Howdy, y'all...

Geek Chick will be incognito this weekend. Offline. Unplugged. Au naturale...ok, maybe not. Still, I will be unavailable this weekend since I am helping to watch DG's boys while she and her hubby take a much needed weekend of R&R. Be back Monday!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Post #23 - TIOBP

Well, another fine crisp morning has dawned. Today, my lack of sleep from the past 3 nights is catching up with me. For some reason, I couldn't get right to sleep last night (it may be because J stopped for dinner and I was pretty hyped about that). But, once I did sleep, it was the deep dreamless kind. Last time I looked at the clock it was 9:45. Sigh.

Have lots to do tonight to prepare for this weekend. DG and her hubby are going away for their anniversary, so my sister and I volunteered to watch her boys. We are working together on this, since we both feel better having back up for Bugaboo. You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, it takes a nation to keep their eyes on this little tyke :) I am really looking forward to it, though. Yes, DG, I am crazy!

Tonight to prepare I must get my food shopping in for the week, pack our clothes, get stuff together for the dog (who is coming with us) and make sure Nick has everything he needs for the weekend. I want to make sure we get to bed at a reasonable hour, especially since I am SURE I will be up late tomorrow night with Bugaboo...

So, today I am positive that I will get it all done with time to spare :)

Later, gators!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Post #22 - TIOBP

Well, it's a great morning in Metropolis! It's pretty cold out, and I can't say it enough - I LOVE FALL! The drive is so much prettier during this time of year. And my drive being an hour, it's nice to have good scenery :)

Not much to report - except that I have a lack of sleep due to talking to J from 9 p.m. until almost 11. Funny, I don't feel all that tired! I am just loving the fact that we talk for hours and cover so many subjects and still have stuff left to discuss. Sending good mojo your way today, J!

Tons of stuff going on at work, and I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I will have little time to do anything except jump from meeting to meeting again. I do like it this way - makes the day fly by.

I did want to point out something that I am seeing as an immediate return on my investment into the positive attitude - confidence! My confidence is growing by leaps and bounds these days. I find that even when crap hits the fan, my confidence is rather unshaken. This is new for me! Perhaps because in the past, my confidence was merely surface deep. It took some time to really believe in myself, my abilities, and my talents. And a little more time to not allow others to influence that confidence.

So, thought for the day: Believe in yourself! There is no other you like YOU.

Ta-ta, y'all!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Post #21 - TIOBP

Top O' the morning to you!

24 hours has gone by in a blur. It was a non-stop day at work with meeting after meeting. The highlight of my day was getting to see J in a bathing suit....mind you, he was 14 at the time, but still looked like him now :) Yes, J, quite the looker! No wonder your HS friends had crushes on you...

Today is supposed to be a little more contained. I have a number of things to set up for a meeting tomorrow, but I am also feeling like I can finally get to some of my projects that I have been procrastinating on. What? Me? Procrastinate? Never! Ok, it's true. Must be a family trait as I know DG also has similar issues.

Was up pretty late last night. And, still managed to awake at 4 a.m. Sheesh. What's a GeekGirl have to do to sleep a little?

Had a dream about J - and he's reading this, so I will keep it rather tame - but it was definitely a hot dream. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Can't help it! He's sexy, what can I say? It was the dream that actually woke me up. Must have been in the latter stages of REM sleep. Whatever. It set the tone for me today, so it HAS to be a good day.

Dino received his interim report (read: report card. What's up with these new PC terms anyway?). It was really a good one. All scores in the 90's. Yup, I'm proud of my little guy. Of course, there was a "needs improvement" in the behavior check box. Sigh. The comment said that he is "still distruptive and constantly talking". Really. What shock. NOT. I have the feeling that will be the comment that is permantly on all of his reports from the school. One of the things that I was thinking about (and need to talk to the MFE about) is to have the school give him his ADHD meds when he gets in for the day. I have been giving it to him when we are getting ready to leave the house (6:10 a.m. Y'all. It sucks.) but I find that it is wearing off too quickly. It's supposed to last until 6 p.m. and it isn't. So, maybe if he takes his meds at the school, it will get him through the day. Not sure, but it's worth a try, right? In any case, his academics are right on par with his group, so I am not all that worried.

Well, must get my day going now. Positive thought: Getting there is half the fun...slow down and enjoy the ride :)

Peace out.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Post #20 - TIOBP

Hi y'all!

What an incredible weekend. Even though Aunt Flo arrived (FINALLY!) and wasn't a very nice house guest, I didn't let it get me down. J and I really enjoyed being together. We had to. It has to last us two weeks :( Still, we enjoyed ourselves. That's what is important.

The karate event Friday night was nice. Dino will most likely not be joining the extra class they are offering since he's already struggling to focus in his regular class. Mr. HKG and I had a long talk about Dino after all the other parents had their turns. We are on the same page there. I don't want Dino to distract the class with his antics, since they do handle weapons, so Mr. HKG said he would have Dino "try" the class out and see if it is something he can do. We'll see how that goes.

Then, on Saturday, J and I took a lovely walk in the park with the puppy. It was a crisp fall day and it felt incredible to be walking with my arms around my sweetie. After the park we had dinner and went to a movie. The movie was cute, more of a teen flick, really, but funny and entertaining. Excitement never avoids us for long, as the fire alarm went off right after the movie started. We filed out calmly (which surprised me, really, with the crowd being mostly teenagers) then filed right back in since it was an oil fire at the concession stand that was quickly extinguished. After the movie, we returned home. It was a really great night, full of talking, kissing, and just wonderful closeness.

Sunday was much the same. Aunt Flo got mean on me, but J and I ran out to a store that I wanted to check out, and we found a hot water bottle there. We stopped for some vitals and then went back to the house to snuggle up and watch a movie on the DVD. It was so wonderful to sit and snuggle with J and my hot water bottle :) I almost didn't mind the horrible cramps that suddenly kicked in. Almost. We had a lovely afternoon, and a nice candle light dinner. All too soon it was over and J was heading back to his house. I haven't stopped thinking about him since.

It will be another two weeks before we can spend time together. What will I do???

Also, I accidentally slipped and said "Love you" when we were kissing goodbye. Yikes! Not sure where that came from. I know I feel really close to him. I know that I can't stand being away from him. But love already? Hmmmmm. I kept apologizing to him. It really just came out of my mouth without me thinking about it. He laughed it off, but I am mortified. Don't want to put any pressure on the guy and he and I have already had the "talk" about going slowly. So, not sure what to think about that right now.

Ok, off to work :) Positive thought for the day: Smile and the world smiles with you!

Happy Fall, y'all!