I have been searching for the inner courage that I need to go through all of this when I decided to go back and re-read my posts from January through today. Wow. Am I messed up or what?
Good news is, I have an appointment with the doctor for Thursday to go on depression meds. I know that will help.
Other good news, I have discovered a common thread in my posts. It's all about the fear, folks. Fear of rejection, fear of revenge, fear of the unknown, fear, fear, fear!
I have lived almost my entire life in fear of one thing or another. How to over come? Hey, I know, how about forcing yourself and those around you to go into a major life altering process that will tear the very fabric of your fragile world apart? If that don't help conquer the fear, I don't know what will. It's like those people that jump out of planes to get over their fear of heights - extreme and freaky, but freeing.
So, raise a toast and let's hope that this process is just as freeing - even if I can't see straight from all the anxiety right now.