Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Ugly Is As Ugly Does

It is Ugly around here. The Ex is getting nasty as all get out. Not only did he embarass me in front of my sister, he is now getting ugly in front of our son. That is the final straw for me. I received a couple of referrals from my friend Connie who used to be a custody lawyer. I am calling tomorrow for a consultation. I was scared even more when I found that Ex threatened me this morning with something in the settlement that would "rock my world" as he put it. He was saying a lot in anger, but it was really just plain too much for me. I was trying to be agreeable, but FUCK THAT. The anger in me is rising now realizing that he is messing with me and he has done that for far too long as far as I am concerned. I know it will cost me eventually, but I have to protect myself and my son. At this point, everything I am doing is for Dino, so to have Ex throw crap in my face about how I am ruining Dino's life just makes me plain pissed off. Like having a psychotic dad doesn't mess up his life? Like listening to his dad berate and belittle his mother isn't going to have a lasting effect? Really now.

I am doing my best to stay out of sight, or stay out of the way. I keep telling myself that it will soon be over. And it will. It will just be painful until the end, since the Ex wants nothing more than to hurt me right now.


Domestic Goddess said...

He's saying everything he can to hurt you and belittle you so that he can feel in control. That's what control freaks/narcissists do. I know you aren't surprised by this, you expected it (which may be why you waited so long to do this). But, rocking your world? Idol threat. He has no control over you. The legal system is there for a reason, it will all work out in the end.
You know we are here for you. I just wish you could move the hell out of there (or get him to). It's just going to get uglier staying there...the thing is, you cannot leave until things are more settled, he's not going to let you come back and get things. Knowing him, he'll do something like change the locks or get a restraining order. Sheesh.
Hang in there.

Lucy T said...

Hey girl. Just checking in for the first time in a week. Sorry he's being such a jerk, but would you have expected any different? Keep letting it roll off your back and into the gutter, the sewer . . where his nasty words belong. Don't let them rent space in your head.
I don't know how DE works, but here in PA child support and custody are two different things. Here, you go to Domestic Relations for child support. They are very supportive and helpful. They only care about what is best for the child, but my experience was that they particularly side with moms when dads are being jerks. In PA, the man has no say in how much he has to pay. It is decided by tables and is based on your income and on his and they court order the pay attachment. If Delaware is anything like Pennsylvania, you can ignore anything he tells you when it comes to child support. The how and how much is out of his hands.

But for the rest, Honey, please get a lawyer, a good one. You don't know what the future holds. Sure right now it looks like everything will be cut and dry, but what happens if you get sick, or what happens if Dino needs tutoring or therapy (just making things up here) or even if ex says he no longer wants to pay for the previously agreed upon parochial school. You need an attorney.
P.S. Document the "bloodbath" comment and use it to your advantage. Judges and Domestic Relations officers hate when men speak that way to women.

Lucy T said...

Me again.

Here is how it works in DE http://www.dhss.delaware.gov/dcse/index.html