Sunday, April 13, 2008

Feeling Alone

I am busy, have the support of family and friends, and still I feel very much alone right now. I've been doing some reading online and it turns out that no matter who initiates the divorce, both partners suffer from seperation anxiety realizing that the other won't be there. Even if there is no love left, or the partners are bitterly fighting, the feeling of being alone will often overwhelm each. That is what I am going through now. It is part of the natural "death" process and to be expected. Doesn't make it at all easier to take, knowing that I am going through this process "normally". And that there are other stages that will be normal in this process, like being jealous of his dating, feeling cheated out of a life having to be fully responsible for Dino (even though that is what I WANT, really I do!), feeling bitter, fear, anger. Thank goodness for the internets and the availability of the information! Otherwise, I would feel totally nuts right now.

I feel guilty that I sometimes resent the fact that Tony can go and run off whenever he wants and I am "stuck" with the kid. Really, this is what I wanted and I love my son and would never give him up for anything. It's just an adjustment period. I am learning to take advantage of play dates for Dino where I can actually talk to another adult. That helps alot.

Speaking of which, I have to call his friend's mom now to see if we can come and play. I hope to get my head back into it's normal whacked-out-fun-crazy mode soon. Promise!

1 comment:

Domestic Goddess said...

I've never been divorced,but I know what you are feeling must be normal. I wonder if there is a newly-divorced support group you can check out? I'd be happy to help with babysitting, if needed. There might even be one through church. Just a thought. It might be good to be with the village, you know? Strength in numbers?