My dear friend (I'll just call her MV) has recently split from her husband of 8 years. Seems to be an epidemic in my circle these days. She desperately needed to get away from this guy, so that much I am ok with. What I am not ok with is her luck in finding a new guy almost immediately.
MV and I go back about 9 years. We met when I worked in a different department and became friends almost right away. She was cool, fun, and we had a good deal in common. She and I have shared almost everything since then. In fact, it is she that started me on Atkins when I saw how well it worked for her. She is upbeat, confident, strong, and fiercly independent. She is also much more optimistic than I am.
When MV came by last week, she talked about this new "guy". It's someone she had seen back in high school. They dated a few times and things didn't click then. Well, they do now! She is so happy and excited about this new relationship. I am really happy for her, really. I believe she deserves her piece of happiness right now. She has had it very hard for the past several years with her soon-to-be ex. His mental instability and addictions really took their toll.
The thing is, I think I deserve a piece of happiness too. So why can't a nice guy fall into my lap at this point? The fragile ego I have right now is taking quite a beating. I am really beginning to think that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am not pretty enough. I am not skinny enough. I am not special enough. Everyone has someone but me. Even my psycho Ex has a GF for crying out loud! I almost had a guy, but he got scared off.
Now, before you start commenting and telling me to knock it off, take a big girl pill or whatever, please note that I am going through more grieving. This is just how I make it through. The other thing is, I know I got into trouble before, just wanting a man in my life. That's how I got to be married in the first place. I am not looking for just "any" man to fill a void. I am looking for that One. The man that makes me happy to see him, happy to talk to him. The man that thinks that I am pretty special. The man that wants to be with me.
So I am blue right now. That man doesn't seem to exist. And I look at the road as being pretty lonely and empty...
Update- 09:39 PM
What the hell was up with me??? I looked back on this because I was having a major pity party for myself. Freak. I really hoped I was beyond this crap. Guess not.
Still, I do have some nice things to share. Just got off the phone with a new male friend. We are planning on meeting up on Sunday for dinner. Also, my friend Shawn and I are making plans to meet. We have been pen pals since March and I think it is finally time to put a face to the emails. He is a rock, and very funny. So, you see, it's not all bad in Geek Chick's world.... just got to figure out why I keep feeling so damn sorry for myself from time to time.
Oh, and I still don't think I am pretty enough, or skinny enough, but I think that I am just fine FOR NOW. To prove it, I am doing something I never thought I would do - share my pic with you all....
I may need to lose a few more pounds (and get my teeth fixed, but that is a whole other story) but I am trying to feel ok in the skin I am in at this moment. So there...