Thursday, August 7, 2008

Just Sayin'

From DG, I have the following inspiration to rant....

Hey, other parents at karate: No, my son is not a brat. No, he is not intentionally distracting the entire class. He has ADHD. He makes faces, speaks out impulsively, and twitches when trying to stand still because HE CAN'T HELP IT. Get off my freakin' case already with the advice on how to force him to "behave". I have the self-help books. I have the doctor. I have the therapist. He tries to be "good", he really does. Stop looking at me like I am the bad parent and start looking at your own sweet, golden haired child spitting at the other kids behind your back.

Darling Mr. HKG: Ditto to you. I know you mean well. And as much as I luv you, I don't think you quite get it where Dino is concerned. He can usually handle the 45 minute class when there are less than 16 students to compete with. However, when it is just the 5 of them, for some reason, he acts out more. And you making him do millions of push ups isn't really helping. In fact, it is defeating for him and he threatens to quit every time. I don't know how to "fix" it. Believe me, I would if I could. Thank you for caring enough about Dino to want to try to help him. That means a lot. I also thank you for the lovely phone conversation we had on Monday. I hope you realize that I want to work with you on this. Call me. Seriously. We'll do...lunch. Yeah, lunch.

Dear Angry Neighbor: Ok so, like, three weeks ago you got mad because I asked your screaming obnoxious children to stop screeching outside my window at 10:30 at night. Heaven forbid I should ask for some peace and quiet on a Thursday night, huh? Because, I don't know, some people get up at 4:30 in the morning for work. And Dino gets up at 6 a.m. Your little hellions may be able to sleep in until 10 a.m. but we don't have that luxury. So get off your high horse already, bee otch, and realize that you are just a miserable crone that is unhappy with her life and her marriage. Get over yourself.

Dear Jeff/Jeff/Jim/Dave/Ken: Thank you for paying attention to me the past few weeks on the dating websites. I am suddenly not interested in dating and therefore have no use for you - although you have already determined that you have no use for me, being larger than you expected. What I found was that your determination that I wasn't worth your while because I am not "slim" or "slender" was not only offensive, it was downright stupid on your part. I did put in my profile that I had a "few extra pounds". I know I am still overweight, but I am not obscenely fat as I once was. And I feel good. So there. PBLTT! I am taking a break from you men and your games. If you are so perfect, why are you single???? Oh, and it is totally NOT COOL to tell a woman you'll call her and then chicken sh1t out of it. If you don't want to date again, say so. You'll respect yourself more if you do.

Yo! Wonderful Tres Expensive School: Cancelling the bus is one of the worst things you could have done to me. Now I am left without a way to get Dino to school in the morning. Great. Thanks. I really feel like you put the screws to me good this time. When I asked for help, I got a list of people that live in the area and was told "good luck". Freakin' fabulous. I pray the ex doesn't sell his house anytime soon. Otherwise, my son will be in care at 6:30 a.m. and in after care until after 5. Not ideal and it makes me nuts.

Dearest, sweet, sweet boy: Put the freakin' DS down! It's no wonder I had to make it off limits, huh? Why not just wire it directly to your brain so you can play 24/7? I am sure you are smart enough to figure out a way to do that and make millions. Or become a mad scientist. Either way. Still, you are very smart. Why can't you see that your new friends don't want to play with you because you sent them away every day since we got back from vacation? And why can't you play like a normal kid and not like you are in charge of the world and all they do? And why do you have to give away your toys to these friends on a constant basis?
One other thing - what's up with not wanting to go to the birthday party? I love you, really I do. I just don't understand and it is making me nuts.

Hey Me: You are a freak, yes, but a nice one. Stop being so damned hard on yourself. You are trying. You have a lot to deal with. You also bit off more than you can chew. It's ok, you can admit it. You need a break. So take one already. Holding off on the dating is a good start. Now you need to pare down in other ways. Stop over planning every day. It's causing my right eye to twitch under the stress.
Oh, and thanks for the Chinese food last night, darling. Now that I finally lost the weight I gained from the Family Reunion, it's time to have a little water retention from Aunt Flo complicated by the sodium in the Egg Foo Young. Smart, real smart.

I have to do this more often! That was sweet.


Domestic Goddess said...

See? Doesn't that feel better?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I owe mine.

You around this weekend? Wanna do something on Sunday? Give me a call if so...

Anonymous said... are frightening me. However it is great for you to vent! Is it possible you are a tad depressed? I know getting out of your marriage was the right thing to do but there has to still be feelings, (besides contempt I mean). Things are happening so fast for you and Dino, the divorce, a new house, etc., it is no wonder he, (and you too), can not process it all as quickly as it is happening.

As for the school...find one that does bus and enroll him there. You know, you can't feel guilty forever about all of the changes you are both going through and you can't make your own life hellish, (read no bus), you know, one more change is not going to kill Dino.

Know that you & Dino are loved... And get some Vallium...& spell check on this thing!