Friday, August 29, 2008

Requiem For A Marriage

You know, blogging is like journalling. I think I may have mentioned it before. I find it really cathartic. I need that right now, in the worst way.

Dino left with his dad last night for a 4 day trip to the beach. It hit me really, really hard after they left. Why? Well, I think I know...

The divorce is now officially 4 months old. I never did give myself time or permission to grieve. I think it is time to do that. I had the "dates" and the time to give my ego a boost. Now I need to let my heart heal. I am feeling way too vulnerable to expose myself to a new person that may take advantage of that. Speaking of being taken advantage of - I just ended a relationship with a guy that I knew was a "casual" relationship. But, he tried to pull a fast one on me on Saturday - showed up at my house and then took off quickly after a little romantic interlude. Turns out that he was running out to go drinking with his buddies. So I told him it was over - I wasn't born yesterday and I don't want to be used like that again.

So, here I am. I feel like I am really mourning the loss of my husband - the one that I thought I had married. The man that I divorced was not him. I almost feel like I am a widow, with only memories of the good things to comfort me. The worst thing is that I am not a widow, I have to see this man every day when I drop Dino off and it just serves to remind me that when we were "good", we were pretty good. When it went "bad" it was horrid. (Sorry, couldn't help myself)

I will probably not be posting much else for a bit. I totally understand if you want to go read another blog for a few weeks :)

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