Geek Chick is a little sad today. I finally worked up the nerve to talk to Mr. HKG last night. Turns out, he is still living with the girlfriend. No wedding at this time, but the cohabitation is still in effect.
During our conversation last night, I realized that he may not be as happy and that may be why he is not spending as much time at home. Point in case - it was late and I was talking to him about Dino's birthday party. He stated that he had been teaching since 8:35 a.m. at a school and then came to the dojo to teach at night. When I apologized for holding him up, he says "Oh, that's ok, I wasn't doing anything anyway." I thought that was my "in" and started to talk to him about what's going on. Turns out, he is still with the GF, and that the little one is really giving him trouble. It was obvious that it really bothered him. I joked a little saying "What kid doesn't love you? All the kids here practically worship you!" He smiled a little sadly and said, "Well, when the kid is your own, it's a different story". Ouch. It must hurt him pretty badly because he sounded pretty down. We joked for a few more moments and I decided it was best to just go home at that point. I was really down myself. Now I don't know what was going on. I think I may be mis-interpreting him. Or, he knows that I have an attraction to him and he is allowing the flirting to help repair his ego. Or, he is really unhappy with his situation but doesn't know how to get out of it now that they are starting to look for schooling for the daughter. Whatever the reason, I know now what the status is, and now I feel like I can move on. He is unavailable. Period. From now on, friendly banter only. Back to being eye-candy! LOL
And, let's face it folks. This guy was in no way a serious consideration. We all have our fantasies. He was a crush. Pure and simple. I find him EXTREMELY attractive. I like his personality. But if he is whipped (as it appears to me), I certainly don't want him.
So, that leaves me with these other guys. You know, it IS really nice to have all this attention. Does that sound egotistical? Even from HKG. I have NEVER had this! I am just going to sit back and enjoy it :) Really. My one co-worker here is 40 as well and she just can't seem to meet guys. And she is on the same sites I am. The thing is, she is also REALLY picky. Perhaps I need to be as well? Nah! What I may think is the "perfect match" for me may not be. (See story of HKG above).
So, today's postive thought is "sit back and enjoy the ride!". I want to give myself time to enjoy this process. I am ashamed to admit that I don't have much experience dating. I dated very little in high school. Hung mostly with friends in college. Met a guy (and lived with him a couple of months) but that didn't work out. Then, I was single again until I met the ex. Not a good deal of history to draw from for comparison's sake, you know? It's funny. DG and I were talking about this last night. It seems that I am drawing people to me with my positiveness. Yes, that is a word, I looked it up :)
My new found confidence is what is probably causing my windfall. I am happy to say, that I want to continue on that trend! I know that the more I grow, the better I feel about myself, and as I continue to step out of my "box", I will have good things come my way.
So, here I am. Looking forward to the future. Grasping the golden ring.
You know what? I'm not sad anymore :)
Thanks for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled programming....