When J got his kids last week, I was pretty sure that I would be going through a period of "withdraw". I tried to put on my big girl panties and just suck it up. It was hard, but I fell into a routine again somewhat quickly. J and I had a great weekend together, despite some impediments, and when Sunday night came around again I thought I was prepared for his absence. I wasn't. I moped around the house Sunday night and felt generally like I had no ambition or motivation to do anything. Last night was ok, since N was home and he and I bonded once again over our beloved Sci Fi movie and games. It wasn't until N was asleep and the house was quiet again that I was able to call J and hear his voice. He was stressed and my heart broke for him. It's been a long road and it is a little bit longer. The vicious twit of an ex is taking him back to court again for some trumped up and exaggerated charges. She is seriously the dumbest woman on the planet, next to a particular blond singer who doesn't know what tuna fish is. In any case, hearing him stressing on the phone, and me not being able to put my arms around him and comfort him only made it worse. I hung up around 9 p.m. to get to bed and promptly laid down and stared at the ceiling. Sheeesh. I long for the days when J and I can move on with our lives and put this nastiness behind us.
I dreamt of J last night. We were with the kids (all of them, including his oldest that totally disses him now) and we were looking at a house with an addition built on to include 4 bedrooms, since the main house only had one bedroom on the main floor. The house was a traditional salt box with this "wing" jutting off the back of it. It was odd looking, but had a great porch and we decided we would buy it so our entire family could be together. The kids had other ideas. N liked the house, except for the stone floor in the kitchen. He doesn't like the "feel" of it. C hated the house except for what we considered her room - it had a balcony that overlooked the side wooded yard. T loved it, but hated his room, which was on the ground floor across from the master suite, and wanted to be upstairs with C and Lil J. Lil J said nothing. He just sat looking forlorn on the steps. J and I were annoyed by their reaction, but we decided to buy the house anyway, since it was one that we could fit everyone into. The kids started to fight and J and I looked at each other and said, "Well, looks like we are officially on the 'list'."
I woke up at that point, looking for J next to me. He wasn't there. I laughed a little but mostly felt odd about the dream. At least my subconscious is looking forward to the future :)
On a different note, life has been incredibly hectic and stressful these days. Work issues are getting me down, with the possibility of having to terminate someone coming this week. I am really freaking about that. Not sure what we will be doing, but it is making me sick. I really just want it to be over with. The thing is, the employee is borderline making it. I have to find out from the "powers that be" if they want to extend her Performance Plan. I can't stand this stuff, as I mentioned before. As J says, "People fire themselves". This is true, especially in this case. Still, it wears on me.
So on that upbeat note, off to work I go....