Friday, May 29, 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

WTF????

Seriously, if there is one thing in this world that really gets my Irish up (there are many, but this is the top of the list), it is mistreating a child. If you have the time, see this and don't say I didn't warn you that it could make you nutty. Why are schools allowed to do this? And who's freaking bright idea was it to begin with? They should be drawn and quartered. Yes, that is a really painful death, but it is deserved if a child is suffering at their hands. It's one thing to "time out" a child, but to lock them in a room? WTF?

I hurt my ankle again last night. Taking too many stairs too quickly. I don't even know how it really happened. I went down the stairs fine, but coming back up I must have stepped wrong. The pain shot up my leg. And down my foot. I iced and elevated. Still in pain today so I am back in the fugly boot. WTF?

Gameboy had his therapy appointment last night. It went really well. Therapist agrees that "dad" shouldn't have him overnight for a bit until this is under control. And I have to figure out how to tell him. He was snippy with me when I suggested it before - and he doesn't get why this is all happening. WTF?

It took Gameboy 45 minutes to write 10 sentences. I need help with this one folks. He HATES writing and making up sentences. Definitely not something he got from mom - ask anyone that knows me that I made up songs, poems, stories, words...to anyone that would listen. So this is a huge struggle for me. And I lose my patience quickly and easily. Bless J's heart - he is so patient with Gameboy. Why can't I be? WTF?

Ok, must get back to work. Hope you have a relatively non-stressful day :)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Figures

This past weekend was supposed to be a great weekend. It still kinda was, but I had this cloud hanging over me. You see...

J moved in officially on Friday. Gameboy was cute, running to door when he got home and shouting, "Welcome home!" We had dinner and settled in for the night. The next morning, after breakfast, we dropped Gambeboy off at his dad's. I should have known something was up in Gameboy's head because he was surly and difficult. We had to drop him off by 10, which we did, and got on the road immediately.

J and I had tickets to the Nationals game in DC, and we arrived there in plenty of time. We parked rather far away (at least for me, with a broken ankle, and I wasn't sure I could handle the walk). I checked my phone for the time - since neither of us wear a watch - and I saw that it was 12:20 and I had two voice mail. Seriously? What is up with that. The first was from MFE (surprise!) saying I needed to call back right away, Gameboy was acting up again. The second was from my sister, with the same sense of urgency. The time of the calls was 11:20-11:30. WTF? I was gone 90 minutes and already MFE is griping? I called his numbers and received no answer. Then I called my sister, who informed me that she did not answer the phone when MFE called her, but I should be aware. I begged her to take Gambeboy from him, as it was obvious that he could not handle his own child. She didn't need me to beg, she was offering at the same time. Bless her! I have the bestest sisters in the world, I swear...anyhoo, I finally got through to MFE after ringing his phones non-stop. (Aside: if it was such a fugging emergency, why didn't he answer his phones? Fugger!) He informed me that Gameboy was "up to his old tricks and tantrums". I just told him to take the kid to my sisters. It was not a good idea for them to be alone together if this is how this is going down each visit. He tried to say that he would keep Gameboy and "just see how he does", but I was adamant that I wouldn't get anymore bail-MFE-out phone calls. He agreed to take our son to my sister's after the party they were attending. It was then that the tears came. SERIOUSLY! What am I to do with this situation? It was clear MFE can't deal, and doesn't even try to anymore. It was obvious that Gameboy doesn't want to spend time with his dad, and it makes him crazy when he does. It was ever so evident that their relationship was beyond my help.... I tried to put it behind me and just enjoy the time away with J. It was hard, though, as I kept rolling it around in my head the issues with MFE and GB.

After the Nats game (where we roasted in the sun but had a good time anyway, thankyouverymuch), we winded our way to our hotel to get ready for the concert in Annapolis. I was a bit preoccupied. But, after a sinfully huge dinner at a local buffet, we made it to Annapolis in time to sit in the bar where I had the first of quite a few Cap'n Morgan and Diet Cokes. The concert was HAWESOME, fun and properly entertaining. The Players Band and the Pietasters were incredible. It was a great mixed crowd, and the night went rather quickly. I think we arrived back around 1:30. I fell into a deep alcohol induced sleep soon after.

The next morning, I was in a mood. I didn't pin point it right away. We were on the road back after an equally sinful breakfast at the same local buffet (which, incidentally, should be outlawed!). After making arrangements to pick Gameboy up, we went home, changed, and went to J's baseball practice, where I froze my arse off. After, J was beat, so I drove to pick Gameboy up. My mood darkened as we got closer and I must admit I drove crazy. I kept apologizing to J, as I am sure I was scaring the bejeebees out of him. We arrived to find Gameboy playing happily with his cousins. I, on the other hand, was annoyed. Just wasn't sure why at the time. On the way home, Gameboy's mood changed from good to sour in a matter of moments when we stopped at a store and I wouldn't let him buy whatever he wanted. He had a mini-melt down in the car. But after a stern lecture, he seemed to turn it around. I kept apologizing to J for the way I had been during our ride before and he mentioned to me that he felt that I was just worked about about the situation with MFE. You know what, he is right (yes, and he often is!).

I am worked up about it. I am freaked out that I cannot get MFE to take responsibility for his own actions. I am tired of fighting with Gameboy to make him want to go to his dad's. I am sad that he doesn't care if he sees his dad at all. I am worried that the relationship won't be repaired if MFE doesn't do something to fix it. And I am sick of getting phone calls every time MFE had his kid.

So in all, it wasn't a horrible weekend, but it was a tough one emotionally for me and Gameboy. Here's hoping it gets better - and J doesn't run screaming in the other direction....

Friday, May 15, 2009

Today My Life Changes

You know, a year ago I would never have dreamed that I would be here. "Here" being a point in my life where I am content, happy, at peace. NEVER would have dreamed it. A year ago I was sitting in my new home, crying over stress and lonliness. My little boy going off to his dad's house where the new girlfriend was being lauded as the new "IT" girl. I was home. Wallowing in self-pity. So I joined a couple of online dating sites. I found that many of the men that contacted me were players or just plain weirdos. They wanted action or they just wanted someone to lead on for awhile. I had many first dates that either scared me or just left me wondering why I was dating in the first place. I would contact someone, we would exchange numbers, we would talk and get to know one another, then we would meet up and have dinner or something. Nothing clicked. In fact, I would suddenly be dropped from their "favorites" and they would disappear. I tried to contact them again, but got nothing but crickets.

In May of last year, I met a guy, Sean, who seemed a great fit. We talked often, exchanged emails, met up twice before we agreed to tentatively see one another. It wasn't a great romance, but it was nice to have someone to spend some time with. We dated once a week or so. We also agreed that we were not "exclusive" so I left my Match.com profile as active. I received a couple of contacts, but I wasn't into dating more than one person at a time so I largely ignored them. Then, in July I received an email from a guy that was just looking to meet friends in the area. He was from out of state and didn't really know anyone. He seemed genuinely interesting. I responded that I was seeing someone, but we could be friends. He responded that he was seeing someone as well. So we struck up a friendship. And it was an easy friendship to develop. We were both in the same place in life, and both had weird relationships going on at that time.

Then, I dumped Sean because I finally figured out he was playing me - I'm a little too trusting sometimes. Then J suddenly found himself without his lady**. We talked through it, and I tried to help him see that if she was that fickle, she wasn't worth his efforts (and indeed she was not worth it, if I do say so myself). We met up one day for lunch to talk and for me to offer my friend a bit of support. After we were done, I ended up following him in my car (no, I wasn't stalking him, we were going the same direction!) and since it was a hot day, he had the top down on his convertible. I passed him at one point and yelled, "Hey hot stuff!" as I waved and drove my seperate way. Little did I know that at that moment, I was planting a seed :)

A couple of weeks later, J was in Michigan visiting friends and trying to figure out where he was going to go with everything with the kids. He desperately needed the break, and he was having a good time. I, on the other hand, was lonely and miserable and hung up on Mr. HKG (wow, remember him???) and wondering why I can't find a nice guy. J and I exchanged text messages (or they could have been email, but I forget - hey, it's been a year!) and he wanted to know why I kept chasing these younger men. I replied it was because no guy my age was interested in me. He replied, "What's to say this 38 year old isn't interested in you?"

My heart stopped. Two reactions - he's interested! Whoo-hoo! The other, "but we're friends, won't that mess it up?".

Turns out, no. In fact, it is the best thing in the world. We have tons to talk about and to share. But we are just different enough to keep things interesting and growing.

I agreed to date since we promised to keep the friendship in tact. We planned on October 18th. But before that, I invited J to the hayride on the 11th, and the rest is history. Each step redefined my life. Each step with J. And now, we are taking another step. A HUGE step into the rest of our lives. Today, J moves in with Gameboy and me. And my life changes again.

Ain't life grand?


**If any of these facts are wrong, please pardon me. My memory ain't what it used to be...but the point I am making is what is important here...

Monday, May 11, 2009

WTF? And Other Happenings

Received a call from the ex-MIL on Friday. Decided to call her back to keep her from bugging me. Her concerns were mostly that Gameboy "isn't normal" and that there is something "wrong" with him. As the conversation progressed (and I won't go into details) I got more and more annoyed. She didn't want to hear that Gameboy's anti-social behavior with his cousins on that side of the family is not intentional. She didn't hear me when I explained that he doesn't really want to die, as he apparently says often at her house, or that he hits his dad and the girlfriend because of their inability to handle him. Oh, it's his fault, to be sure - NOT. I was as respectful and as kind as I could be. Basically, I just let her have her say while being busy folding the laundry and getting my house ready for my future in-laws to arrive. I politely tried to explain that the medication is not responsible for these "horrible" outbursts that Gameboy has when he is with their family. The real problem lies with one man, MFE, and his inability to be a parent. And now I find that it stems from his mom who can't seem to understand the impact that MFE's freak outs are having on my little boy. Whatev. I assured her that the therapy was underway (thank you for raising a son that can't be a dad and is causing a young boy to be very confused). I told her I had it under control (oh, and that he didn't EVER hit or punch me or J). I then hung up so as not to lose my patience with her and possibly ruin my weekend.

Speaking of weekends, I had a pretty good one. The future in-laws arrived in grand style, bearing gifts of pierogies and kielbasa (yum!) and we had a lovely visit. Decided on Saturday that I wanted to barbecue - and held an impromptu family gathering. Had my parents and two of my sisters over (along with their kids) and we all had a really great time. My dad and J's dad got along famously. My mom pretty much avoided much social interaction, as is her M.O. these days. The kids had a ball! A good time was had by all. My ankle was pretty sore by the time the day was over, but it was a lot of fun. Now if I could just plan stuff like that in advance so I am not running around like a chicken without a head, it would be perfect :)

Anyway, Mother's Day was nice and quiet, and except for Gameboy's increasingly bratty behavior, it was a great day. Not so much relaxing, but definitely a good one. J's mom showed me how to use my sewing machine (huzzah!) and I fixed her laptop. Got some laundry done, and even was able to cook meals. It was a really good time. We did have some downtime in between meals, laundry, and trading skills, so we talked about J (naturally) and the events of his 18 year marriage to a total psycho. Poor J. He really bore all the stories well, having all the painful memories dredged up time and again as Mom B kept telling me the crazy that was his life. I have to give him props. He hung out with his crazy as bat shit ex for a lot longer than I could hang with mine. More importantly, he is a totally different person now then he used to be - and so am I. I am ever so thankful that he came into my life when he did - and that he is sticking around for a long time. I totally feel for him having to relive the days of darkness, but I remind him that he is not that person any more. He is better, stronger, faster....the 6 million dollar man! Ooops, sorry, off topic. Anyway, he was a trooper and I know it was not easy for him to listen to the things that he is trying to put behind him. One thing I can do to help that is to not ask those questions that would lead to a "Past J" story. It should all die down soon, since I am no longer the "new girl" in his life.

Off I go now, must get back to work. Tomorrow is my ortho appointment and I should finally get out of this ugly boot and into a much more reasonable splint. Happy Monday, y'all!

Friday, May 8, 2009

With Ease

“When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing.”
Enrique Jardiel Poncela quotes (Spanish writer, 1901-1952)

I discovered a blog through my sister, DG. The author is just this geek, but he writes so well it makes me feel like I have a secret that I want to tell the world about. His blog is fun to read, sometimes provocative, sometimes serious. What I love the most, though, to be honest would be his books. He has written several and I have bought them all. I find his writing to be comforting, like a favorite blanket that you cuddle up with on a cool night. He doesn't put on airs, or give any pretense. Please, if you find that you are looking for something good to read, check him out! I promise you will not be disappointed. And, you may just be surprised by something special:

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Happy Place - An Open Letter

Dear Blog,
I have finally found my happy place. It is a warm, comforting, and strong place. Whenever I am there, I am at peace. Relaxed. Loved. It is a wonderful place to be, within the arms of the man I love. He is wonderful too, and going through a rough time. You see, he has issues with his children that wear at him. He wants so much to give them a great life but they defy him at every turn. He is a good dad and has done so much to help them reach for a better quality of living. They just crap all over him. Why is it that they would rather live in the unknown future of their mother's care? Just because she is the mother, that's why. It's painful and sad to watch. J tries so hard and they just keep crapping all over him. Well, enough. How can a man keep his sanity with this going on? I'm amazed he lasted as long as he did. I want this to be a good time for him. He has not had many good times and he deserves them after all he has been through. I hope that in some small way, I help him to find his own happy place.

I also have finally realized that I can't fix everything. I want to, yes. But I can't. Case in point: MFE and his issues with Gameboy. This past weekend, MFE dropped GB off early because he was throwing a temper tantrum (actually, they both were). Since then, MFE has not had two words to say to me. I finally reached out in email this morning asking him for his plan for counseling (since our agreement stated he had to have 4 months of counseling - and he had to give me the therapists name and information). To my knowledge, he has not yet had an appointment. It's been three weeks. I suggested a resource for him, offered to modify the visitation further to minimize the possibility of another tantrum occurance, and made some suggestions on setting limits for GB and what to do if those limits were breached. Do you know how hard it was to swallow my pride and reach out like that? I would much rather tell MFE to f-off and just leave us be. But I know that is not reality, and it would just hurt GB in the long run. So, I put on my big chick panties and did what I thought was the responsible thing. You know what sucks? Being the only grown up in this situation. Sigh.

Finally, an open letter to those that are bugging the daylights out of me:

Dear Mrs. Ex-MIL - No, I won't call you back. You have no business in my business so stay out.

Dear Son - No, you are not "bad" or "an f-ing brat" or "a pain in the ass" as you may have heard your so-called-father say to you. I die a little every time I think those words are hurting you. You are a glorious creation, a miracle, a bit of heaven sent to me to take care of. And I will be damned for all eternity if I will let a whiney self-obsessed freak of a man tear you down. You are my joy in life. Always remember that.

Dear MFE - Grow up. See aforementioned testament to my protection of my son. Do it again, and you will go to jail. End of story.

Darling J - At the risk of being cheesy and corny, you are the light in the darkness. Your own darkness may become overwhelming, but don't let it get you down. We will overcome. Together we will hold strong. Remember - we found each other against the odds. And the odds will probably keep stacking against us for a time. But we will pervail against them! Hold on to me, and I will hold on to you. Kitchen counter, baby!

Dearest sister - You don't read my blog (I don't think), but stop calling me to come to meetings to learn how to sell stuff that I can't sell. I am done. I am a wimp though - I haven't told you yet to your face. Life is just too darn hectic for me and I don't have the time for this "career". I'll have to tell you soon, though. I need to make my office a bedroom for visiting kids.

Dear neighbors - Yes, the car in my drive is going to stay there. Stop staring and whispering behind your hands. I can't say that I like it much, either, but it's my driveway. You can clearly see I am in a boot, and hobbling around. When I have the strength, I'll clear out the garage and put the offensive automobile away. Until then, suck it up peeps.

Dear so-called-friends - When you came back into my life, I was happy. Then you dropped out just as quickly again. What up wit dat? Did I offend? Anyway, stop coming around if you don't intend to stay. My life is crazy enough without dealing with fair-weather friends.

Dear self - You are losing ground with the weight thing again. Why did you stop paying attention? You are almost back where you started. And you can't afford to buy new clothes this summer. So get back at it, will ya? You may not be able to exercise right now (at least, not much) but you sure as hell can stop eating pretzels and ice-cream! GET A GRIP!

Whew, I feel better :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Funny

I was bathing my baby kitten, Marbles, when Gameboy approached me with a quizzical look on his face...

"Mom, when I am 18, will you tell me what the F-word means?" (Yes, he means THAT F-word)

Being the honest mom I am, I reply, "I'll tell you right now. It is a really ugly word for when a man and a woman love each other." Ok, breathe, I tell myself, it's a little vague, but still true.

Gameboy looks at me in shock. "That is just the dumbest word ever! Why make up a curse word about something as beautiful as love?" He shakes his head and walks away muttering, "That is just too dumb. Why would people do that?"

I smile to myself and continue bathing Marbles....

Monday, May 4, 2009

Where the Chicks Are

Hi Blog-o-spere!

Ok, I swore I would never let a month pass without blogging, and I am just squeaking in at the last minute. It has been a VERY hectic and hellious few weeks. Here are the highlights:

First, filed a PFA against MFE in the courts. His lawyer called and had me dismiss the PFA and we signed an amendment to our divorce agreement that he has to attend anger management courses, parenting courses, and only gets Gameboy for 1 night a week and the first weekend of every month. That appears to be too much for him as he called me yesterday to say that Gameboy was once again "out of control" and then dropped him off unexpectedly yesterday saying "I need to drop the baby off, he's going to break the car!" Turns out that Gameboy wanted BK and MFE wasn't willing to do that, so Gameboy freaked. Well, shoot. He doesn't do that to me! Ex-MIL was in the car and she got out in the rain and motioned for me to come outside. I wasn't sure what that was about. She made her way to my steps and said she wanted to talk to me, can she call me later? I said yes, but when she did call, I was too busy to talk and didn't have time to call her back last night. Then I started to think - why the heck should she talk to me, and why do I want to hear what she has to say? I don't. She needs to keep her nose out of it. If she hadn't coddled her freaking son all these years and fed into his behavior, he might be a half way decent man. So, no way, Mrs. R. Keep your opinions and your preaching to yourself. This ex-DIL doesn't want to hear it. Besides, if she hadn't found the time in the past 12 months to reach out to me, there is nothing I want to hear her say now.

I also broke my ankle 2 weeks ago. It's an avulsion fracture - where the ligaments pull off the bone and take some bone with it. Ewwww. I am in a boot and waiting for the day where I can "graduate" to a split. I am walking much better now and have high hopes that I'll be back to my version of normal soon.

The kittens are getting huge! All except the littlest one, Marbles. He became ill this past weekend and I had to take him to the emergency vets. Turns out that he is dehydrated and isn't eating well. So, I received a supplement, some antibiotics (in case he has an infection) and some high protein soft food. Mama was't nursing him for some reason, so I tricked her into it. I fed her some softer food herself and while she ate, Marbles nursed. Then this morning, I held mama and while I petted her, Marbles nursed. He got in at least 15 minutes of nursing. I'm going to continue this along with the vets orders until the little guy is strong again. Poor baby. I think I'm going to keep him, too. The others are really healthy and strong, so there should be no problem getting them adopted.

Ok, have to run. Much more to post, but now I don't have the time! Later, gators!