Thursday, November 17, 2011

Did He Really Just Say That?

So, for the past two weeks, The Kid has been going back and forth with his feelings about his bio dad. He struggles daily to come to terms with the fact that the man just can't relate to him on his level. However, the past week has been rather smooth sailing. I thought it was odd, after all the anger and pain, that my son is suddenly happy with his relationship with the ex. He wants to spend time with him, wants to go to his house, and wants to spend a holiday with him. What I think is happening (and I may just be a bit unfair here) is that the ex is giving him what he wants and what child wouldn't like that? The Kid's birthday just passed, and of course the ex had to promise him the world. He gave him a party with lots of cool presents. Then, he said he would get The Kid the game he has been wanting. Finally, the ex is getting married (poor woman has NO idea what she is doing, obviously) and my son is in the wedding. This makes my son happy and feel important. So of course he is happy....now. I don't trust this. I have been down this road too many times to believe that things are really changing. I think the ex is playing to The Kid to keep him happy so he'll be in the wedding. I also think the ex will soon be back to his old ways. Call it intuition, fear, or even experience, but I know that the ex cannot change. No matter how much he wants to. And the fact that when the ex called me for help and his mom and fiance did all the talking pointed out that he simply is not capable of being anything other than what he is.

Now for the kicker. Tonight, The Kid told me that he would rather be with the ex for Thanksgiving. The ex gave him a choice. The reason he wants to go with the ex? "Because he'll feed me." What the hell does that mean? I don't feed him? No, it means that the ex and his mom will make the kid anything he wants to eat rather than make him eat what is on the table. Nice, huh? So now I am the crappy mom because I am enforcing the rules, giving him structure, and making him grow. The ex is the hero because he caters to The Kid and gives him whatever he wants. Carnival Dad wins. I haz a sad face.

And I don't have my boy with me for Thanksgiving. Pardon me while I go cry in the corner.